Last night I had consensual sex with my long term girlfriend in the missionary position. It lasted approximately 4 minutes before I ejaculated into the durex extra safe condom.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They gave here a timeout, like any other sensible parent would.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the woman make a sandwich? She was hungry

thumb_up thumb_down +18

there where 3 guys at a magic pool. if you jump in and say anything it appears in the pool. the first guy runs, jumps and says money!! he gets a bunch of money. the second guy runs, jumps and says gold!! he gets a bunch of gold. the third guy runs, slips says SHIT!!!! and lands in the pool.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

what did one muffin say to the other in the oven? Nothing because they were both baked at 500 degrees and died

thumb_up thumb_down +18

There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Knock, knock. Who's there? It's Bob. Oh hi, Bob, come on in.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the cat say when it jumped into the cardboard box? Meow

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Don't rape me!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man walks into a bar... And orders a drink

thumb_up thumb_down +14

On the last day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... A letter saying she had gone bankrupt, as she had spent all her money buying me 12 pear trees, 35 golden rings, hiring maids and pipers and etc. for over 100 hours, and an innumerable amount of animals.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

gesss what happen u promis not to tell anyone ok this is what happen !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOTHING

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven had a raging hard-on and was leering at him.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why does this dog have herpes? Global Warming.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Wow, thats warming to the core Nero, you are really sweet when you want to, I was having a lot more than second thoughts, I mean I do not mind the thought of sex with you really and I mean that, but losing who I already consider my best friend would just be sad. So uh, sex once huh? I mean, one more feather on the uh, hat thing, is that what this is about to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

roses are red violets are blue i thought i was ugly but then i met you

thumb_up thumb_down +12

a show horse jumps over a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why did the bird fall out of the tree? Earth's Gravitational pull

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: what happens when you throw a red rock into a blue lake? A: a splash.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's black and hangs from my tree? A black man. I am a racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call a pelican with no wings? A dead pelican

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call 400 black men rolling down a hill? 400 black men rolling down a hill.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops