Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

How do you stop a black kid from jumping around in your bedroom? Chuck him out of the house.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Whats worse than Sandy Hook Massacre? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down -38

How do you get a black man down from a tree? Cut the rope!

thumb_up thumb_down -48

yo mamma's so fat she's fat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Whats worse than pulling down a girls pants and seeing a giant furry bush... finding out her vagina has teeth in it.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was black.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call a black man carrying a T.V? Someone that is helping me move.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I walk in to a bar, ask for a beer, get drunk, walk away and.... hmmm.. how could I finish the joke??..

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Roses are black, Violets are black, I'm blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, but if the ladder is shaky, you might need another to hold it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Twilight is so bad, I read it and personally didn't like it as a book.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What came first, the chicken or the egg? The chicken. The chicken always comes first, that's why the egg never comes at all.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not good at rhyming turd

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the fat confused man say? I am confused.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is small, cries a lot, and moves at high speeds? A baby stapled to a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato

thumb_up thumb_down +1

So there is the standard english class with groups of different people. You got the nerds, lads, violent ones etc. Now the kids are doing a standard pop quiz. The nerd is next to the violent kid. The violent kid asks the teacher if he can go to the toilet. Everyone is nervous as it was based from last year's work which they haven't studied for. He then stabs the nerd in the neck multiple times and finishes his test.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What happens when a unicorn gets her period? You know it's a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the child cry? His sister just left for college

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the blind man say to the mentally challenged man when he bumped into him? Watch where you're going, retard.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the cricket say to the fox? Cricket.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I'm sorry but your child seems to have fractured his spinal column and can no longer control any part of his body below his neck.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops