What's green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree, it'll kill you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Roses are red, Violets are dead, I've climbed through your window, I'm under your bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the black man cross the road? He was going to meet up with his friend who happened to be Irish.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Attack her with a sanding machine.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A paralyzed person walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

There was 2 friends named Shutup and Trouble. They were camping and Trouble got lost in the woods. Shutup called the police. Shutup: Hello, is this 9-1-1 my friend is missing. Police: What is your name sir? Shutup: Shut up Police: What? Shutup: Shut up Police: What did you say? Shutup: I said Shut Up Police: Hey are you looking for TROUBLE? Shutup: Yes! Police: Guess what? We found him, he's safe in the station. We will have a officer come by a drop him off. Have a good day Mr. Shutup Shutup: Thank you

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How did the boy fall off the swing? He got hit by a fridge

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the businessman do to get a promotion? He traded oral sex for his male bosses kind heart...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What is white and can't climb trees? Toothpaste.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

One time, I saw this guy on stilts and thought it would be hilarious if someone pushed him over. Then some guy pushed him over and broke his neck.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what do you call a girl that just took 15 loads to her face? sasha grey.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Justing Bieber walks in a bar. Everyone shoots him.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Yo mamma so fat she has to have anti biotics to keep her alive

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q:Why was 6 afraid of seven? A:Because seven ate (eight) nine

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a black person who flies a plane? A pilot.. You racist bastard.

thumb_up thumb_down

My cat just died.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the spoon say to the other spoon? Nothing, it is a spoon.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the mexican go back to mexico? He grew up there

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: Why did the chicken cross the street? A: Because that was the direction it was headed.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did the goat cross the road. To put his sacrifices into the pentagram.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A newly wed couple is at the beach and the wife asks for sunscreen and the man says he forgot it in the car. He goes to the car only to find that the car had been broken into. He goes to call his wife and they go back to the car only to find that the car had been stolen. #Turns out the thief broke the window to steal the car but saw the owner coming and hid behind a bush and upon the man going to call his wife he continued with his mission

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops