Knock Knock. Ow! Why you hit me!?

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Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says "MOOOOO!". The other makes an unremarkably similar noise.

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What's sad about a house on fire?, it was my house.

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I'm funny.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman gets off the bus and files a complaint with the public transit system and the driver loses his job.

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Your momma's so fat that when she goes to the beach, she feels self-conscious in front of all the other beach-goers.

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Why did the little boy drop his Icecream? Because I ran him over with my Bus!!

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'I had a surprise test today.' 'What happened?' 'I was really surprised.'

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What do you call a prostitute with no arms and legs? Unfortunate, as they've probably have many misfortunes in life.

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Knock knock

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69.... is a number

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Why did the Middle east send Doris a camel's penis? Because Uncle Monty's head was damn tasty

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A skeleton goes to a bar an orders a human flesh.

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Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

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What did Jesus get for Christmas? Birthday presents.

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how did the fat guy fall off the swing? the chain on the right side broke because of is eccesive weight that he probably should have lost last year on biggest loser.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

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What do you call a brunette between two blondes? Susan.

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Q:Why did the dog jump over the fence A:Because he could

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What's the color of an apple? It varies depending on the type of tree and climate the fruit grows in.

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how do you get a blue waffle? paint your vagina blue

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What did the boy reading a book do? Run into a pole.

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Arsonist: Hey, did you listen my mixtape? It's really FIRE.

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What do you call a fat jew? A person that most likely has an eating problem and needs to seek help from the nearest rabbi

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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