What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your porch? Matt.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's green and invisible? This cabbage.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

The joke above me is a wind-up, losers :P

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the man with brain cancer die? He drove his Segway off a cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the rose look so brown? Because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why was the Catholic priest incarcerated? 2 counts of child pornography and 3 counts of sexual abuse with a minor. Since he is now released, he's working as a janitor of an elementary school.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

If your yacht is if moving at 50 knots per hour in a wind tunnel how many leprechauns can you fit in a chamber? Even, because purple is attracted to bestiality.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What goes in long and hard and comes out wet and sticky? A penis after orgasmic intercourse.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How many days did abraham lincoln take a crap for? Turquoise because pancakes cannot fly without wings during the summer unless giraffes smell pineapple on tuesday.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A white man and a black man are standing on the edge of a 20 story building. The view from up there is rather nice.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A black, asian, and white guy jump off a building, who lands first? Well, according to newton's law of gravitation every massive particle in the universe attracts every other massive particle with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. It depends on who weighs the most

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Whats worse than falling down the stairs? Falling UP the stairs.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

3 men find a genie lamp on the side of a road, The genie grants them each a wish as they surely deserve. The first man asks for a jet and the genie glady grants him this and the man starts to fly away. The second man says to make a wall around asia and the genie complies. The third man thinks for a minute and finally says fill it with water and as a genie the genie cannot refuse. They all drowned seeing how the jet had no fuel. The genie goes back to sleep and is picked up by an alien 5,000 years in the future, the Earth is destroyed in 7012(as if we didnt already destroy it). The genie survives and currently resides on uranus.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Robin, get in the Bat-mobile!

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Knock knock Who's There Doctor Doctor Who? Wrong, it's Dr. Doozer, you have AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -86

a jew throwing a dime into a wishing well.

thumb_up thumb_down -128

Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first koala. Why did the man fall of his bike? He was struck with a falling koala. Why did the fish fall of its bike? Because it's a fish. What is fuzzy and might kill you if it falls on you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

What makes women so mystifying and beautiful? Tits.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

If you lose your left arm, your right one will be left.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why did the angry husband murder his cheating wife? She forgot to cook dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Knock Knock Who's there? Father Dougal Mcguire

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Chuck Norris was walking down the street when he was confronted by an armed, very desperate street robber. Chuck unfortunately made the decision to defend himself, and was shot in the gut before he could complete a roundhouse kick. The robber then took his wallet and ran off, undoubtedly to buy drugs.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A BABY seal walks into a club

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops