How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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Bob: I have a funny knock knock joke, but you have to start it. Joe: Ok. Knock Knock. Bob: Who's there? Joe: Uhhhhhhh Bob: Exactly.

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What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Why is purple the best color. Cuz icecream has no bones

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Why did the cow hail a taxi? Because cows can't drive.

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An irishman walks into a bar and drinks 6 pints of guiness. He then drives himself home and savagely beats his wife and children.

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Why do black guys always have sex on their mind? Because they are men.

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What's the easiest way to get a cat out of a tree? Call the fire department and allow them to safely reach the cat and properly extract it from the tree while you watch from below.

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what starts with b and ends with b? The bomb i just planted in your house.

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What do you call a middle-aged Polish man on Skype? A lonely man.

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What did the milk bottle say to the other milk bottle? Nothing. Bottles can't talk you silly goose.

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Why was the sock sad? Impossible. Socks dont have emotions.

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A black, Kenyan man enters a race. He comes in second to last as he didn't practice as much as the other contestants.

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what's the difference between a zebra and a horse They are spelled differently

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Whats the difference between a soccer ball and a baby? Babies cry when I kick them.

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Does Geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance? No, it's a scam.

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a man walks into the doctors office and says DOCTOR!, DOCTOR! IT HURTS TO BEND MY LEG!!! the doctor replies then dont bend your leg and the mans great pain eventually heals

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What did the black man say when he jumped in the pool? The water's nice, you should join me.

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Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away? Because it could see and hear.

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Why did the girls ice cream melt? She was on fire.

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What did the towel say to the other towel? Nothing, there was no topic of conversation.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours Stolen propety....

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Whats the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a human being and one is an inanimate object that people enjoy sitting on.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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