What did man who had diarrhea say to the other man? "I have to go to the toilet."

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Why should you never push a Mexican off a bike? Because he will file a lawsuit against you in the event of an injury.

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Q: Why did the clown fall off the swing? A:He was shot in the face

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I killed your family, and now i'm coming after you.

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What do you call someone who can legally murder? OJ Simpson

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Doctor! I have no problems at all! So, uh why are you here? Isnt that freaking weird? Wow, that might be a problem! Puh! I have a problem then. Yeah, goodbye!

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Person A: Knock Knock Person B: Who's there? Person A: It's the police, we have a warrant for your arrest. Open the door. Person B: It's the police, we have a warrant for your arrest, open the door wh-- Suddenly the door is smashed open. Tear gas grenades are rolled in, temporarily blinding Person B. He is then dragged out of his apartment by nine federal agents who proceed to beat him and throw him into the back of an FBI van.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

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Scenario - Two astronauts are kayaking down the Sahara dessert. Question - How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse? Answer - Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

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Why didn't the condemned man seek a reprieve of his execution? He forgot.

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Why is Justin Bieber gay? Justin is attracted to the female gender

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Where did Suzie go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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What happened to the soldier who go shot while fighting terrorists in the middle east? He died and had a proper funeral back in the town/city that he was born in.

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Why did the man hang himself? Because his pistol misfired.

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I Couldn't afford a hair cut... so i purpposely contracted HIV

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was nailed to the chicken

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What did the dubstep say? Wub.

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what do you do when your girlfriend gives you head while playing MW3? continue to play while politely asking her sister to make you a sandwhich

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In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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Women's rights

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What's the difference between white and black? White is Caucasian and black is African-American.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I just got AIDS, And soon so will you!

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Wanna know what a hate about instructions? I always get my dick stuck in a ceiling fan.

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Knock knock Who's there? Interrupting doctor. Interrupting doct- You have cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops