"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

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how much fish could a chicken

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What is red and fluffy?... Your teddy bear covered in blood...

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What do you get when you cross a stream with a prostitute? A wet hooker.

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Whats worse than getting hit in the face with an axe? Getting hit in the face with two axes.

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If you want to make the little things count, teach midgets maths!

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What's worse than celery stuck between your teeth? A cruise ship stuck between your teeth.

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When is a door not a door? When it is thrown away. Then, it will likely decompose in a landfill or be recycled into another product. In either case, it will no longer be a door.

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"Wise old man, what is the meaning of life?" "I don't know why do people think old people are so wise these days?"

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I'm a wise old man, so I'm aloud to touch you in the bathing suit area.

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How do u get a dog to sit? Teach it to sit then tell it to sit.

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I admit I don't know what the future holds, but one thing I know for sure is that... Lance Armstrong has only one ball.

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whats black and white and black and white and black and white? a penguin rolling down a hill whats black and white and laughing? the penguin that pushed him

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What do you call an old lady walking down the street? Widowed.

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What's brown and smells like shit? My boxers.

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito is a common insect in the family Culicidae. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapien, a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans

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A kid comes across an injured duck near a lake. Nevermind he doesn't see it he's really high.

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how do you get a clown to fall off a swing? hit him with an ax

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Q. Why did the blonde die drinking milk? A. she was shot in the head by a 22.

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I've always hated people saying "last one there is a rotten egg" because don't you want to be a rotten egg so you don't get eaten?

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As I sat waiting for the doctor to return with my final prognosis, I began contemplating my own mortality. Looking inside myself, one question continued to haunt me: “What’s the X-ray technician going to do when he walks in and sees me messing with the equipment?”

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What's the difference between a radio and a bowl of potato salad? If you put batteries on a radio you can turn it on and listen to some music. If you put batteries on a bowl of potato salad it's not gonna give you any music.

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Why could the grandma chew? She couldn't she had no teeth

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Why did the girl scream at old people? She had turrets. www.youtube.com/LouisGames www.twitch.tv/KiLM_Ghostz

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops