whats worse than a paper cut? 2012

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why couldnt the man run because he had no legs

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Why was the woman in the kitchen? She came in to give her husband, who was washing the dishes, a kiss before she went to bed early so she could be well rested and get up on time to make the 45 minute commute to the hospital where she worked as a neurosurgeon the next morning.

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Why did the muffin not eat the other muffin. Because muffins do not have a digestive system.

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Have you heard the one about the fat woman and the dead baby? The woman was actually pregnant, not fat, and just had a miscarriage.

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why did the boy stay home from school? it was saturday

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How do you fit 10 babies in a bowl? With a blender. How do you get them out of the bowl? You don't, you've already been arrested for multiple cases of infanticide.

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how do you kill a blond? there are many ways but every one of them is illegal and could be criminally chargeable.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Grass is green Orange is orange

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Yo mama so fat she makes blind kids cry

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor

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what comes in tube and smells like toothpaste? toothpaste

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Two straight men walk into a gay bar. They quickly realize their mistake and cross the street to the tavern where they enjoy a beer and some pretzels.

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******************************************************** Okay, so there were two muffins in the oven. One muffin said, "Oh my gosh! We're gonna die!" The other muffin said, "Whoa a talking muffin!" **********************************************************

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Yo mama's so fat that they have to grease the door frame and hold a twinky on the other side to get her through.

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What did the baby get for his birthday? An Abortion.

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what meows and is fuzzy and smells like manure? a cat being being killed with a chainsaw next to a cow

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Two muffins are being baked in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin "Boy, it sure is getting hot in here," and the other muffin replies "yeah, that's because it's an oven."

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so a man walks into a bar *pint of bud there please

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What's silent but deadly? A baby falling from a 10 story building

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a guy went to a bar and ordered a molotov cocktail. he died.

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yo mamas so ugly.... everyone died. the end.

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What do you get when you cross a hamster with a zebra? A genetic abomination that you should put out of it's misery.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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