Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she couldn't afford one.

A bar walks into a man. The drink orders a bartender. And then the money walks home. End The.

Laura Pratz... not having a strong urge to tweet everything that happens in her life.

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What did the little boy with no arms get for cristmas? A football.

What squirts out of your butt and runs down your leg? Bloody diarrhea.

i have two hands.

Who gets more action than my best friend Reese? My raped cousin....

You're mother has had a heart attack in the middle of the street, you start to sing amazing grace hoping people will join in, but unfortunatly this is not a musical and you should call 911.

what is red, black, and blue all over? A horribly painted room.

why is king kong so fat? because he eats to mucj

Dumb

what do you call a guy called Bill? Bill

What happened when the chicken crossed the road? The Farmer immediately noticed the oncoming car and flagged it down so the driver would stop and he could grab his chicken and carry it safely back to the coop

What do you get when you cross Winter Squash, Beets, Ham, Coffee, Spinach, Hexamine, Cadmium, Detergent, and some love? A bowl full of crap.

How did Chinese people get their names? They throw their pots and pans down the stairs. It says, "CHING CHANG CHONG!!!"

What's similar about a mole and an eagle? They both are blind and dig through the ground. Except the eagle.

This is Heading 1

What did the tree say to the other tree?....nothing cause trees can't talk!

"Knock Knock" "Whos there?" "Interrupting kid with ADHD" *I did not respond, as I knew he would interrupt me before I was able to finish the sentence.*

There are two kinds of people in this world: those that finish their sentences

What do you get when you cross drugs with a bathtub? Whitney Houston's worst nightmare

An owl and a squirrel watch a farmer walk by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls are not capable of human speech. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

What did Valerie get for her birthday? Nothing. Because no one loves her