What do you do when a taco eater gives you guacamole? Thank him, and politely smash it in the face of the nearest trashy tourist.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why didn't the chicken cross the road?!

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What happened after the man with no arms and legs lost his keys? He called the police.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Plants are green because of the high levels of mitochondria in their cells.

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Steve Jobs Died today. So did 56 million other people.

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A man walks into a bar. He says "ouch".

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What happened to the orphan who ate a sandwitch? She got hit by a whale!

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Q:What did the slut have in her mouth? A: teeth.

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I've got ninety-nine problems, all of them very diverse and possibly involving women.

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Q:How do you confuse a blonde preschooler? A:Calculus.

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Why can't Stevie Wonder read? He has retinopathy of prematurity and was born blind.

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Roses are Red ?And sometimes yellow ? My mother is mellow ? Billy you have cancer ?

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Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. A number is a mathematical object used to count and measure.It is not a living thing and therefore does not possess thoughts and feelings.

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A man walks into a bar, looks around, and reveals an AK-47 assault rifle he had been concealing beneath his trenchcoat. He then turns to his left and fires repeated shots around the bar, to the surprise and fear of many. Then he shoots himself. The death total is estimated at 9, including the shooter, while the total injured is around 22.

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The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!" Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the patient says, 'at least it shall be over quickly.'

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There is a black man and a Mexican in a car. Who's driving? The driver.

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Baby Seal walks into a club.

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Which is the smallest? A. Jupiter B. Whale C. Cow D. Bracelet Answer: D

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Your momma so fat.... She's at risk of cardiovascular disease. You should take her to a nutritionist.

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What do a porkchop and a watermelon have in common? They're both edible, organic, and delicious. Also, both are fun to throw at people.

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What do you call a man with one ear? A one-eared man.

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What do you call a kid with one leg and an eye patch? Names

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kknocckkck knockckkckccck hue's theeeair? TTThhe pOOOliCCee. fffor whaaa? yyouu rr arreesstedd forrr drrunkkkc dddrivvinnng! Puuut urerre frreaakkki'n hannnddss uppp!

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whats worse than finding half a worm in your apple? being wrongly accussed of a crime you didnt commit because of your race, and being put on death row

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops