Help I'm being raped!

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The Christian prayed every night to God for a new bike. He kept it up for a year. Finally, he got a bike for his birthday.

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Santa Claus is so hairy he need to shave more often.

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Q: Why did the Japanese man fall off the cliff? A: He was pushed

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If at first you don’t succeed, you clearly weren’t the right person for the job. We’re sorry, but we’re going to have to let you go; please collect your belongings and vacate the premises immediately.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What name does Steve Bartman go by Now? Steve Bartman, but he just hides all day trying not to be killed.

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What did the overweight blind kid get for Christmas? His parents died in a tragic car crash and he was left alone, fat and blind to fend for himself

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What do you call a man in a pool with no arms and legs? Bob

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what do you call cheese that's not yours? cheese that you stole.

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Me: Want to hear a funny joke? Person: What? Me: Women's Right.

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What do you get when you cross a turtle and a kangaroo? A hybrid combination of the two that is characterized by specific traits of both animals.

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Knock knock. Stop making puns at my door!

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I called this hot girl up from class one day. She told me to come over because no one was home. I got to her house, and no one was home.

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whats bloody and mingen Scabbaz head

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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A policeman walks into a bar. He goes inside to greet his friend who happens to be the bartender. Another man walks into the bar. This man is a regular customer and goes to the bar almost every other night. The policeman leaves and goes back on duty.

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? Abbott! Abbott who? Abbott time you answered the door! The door was never answered because they did not know the person at the door.

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Four men were walking, and three of them walked into a bar. The fourth one ducked.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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You so dumb that you weighed 100 pounds and ate a peanut and weighed 500 pounds!

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Q: How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator? A: You open the door put the giraffe in and the close the door. Q: How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? A: You open the door to the refrigerator take the giraffe out then put the elephant in and close the door. Q: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend but one, which one is it? A: The elephant it's in the fridge Q: You have to cross a river that is inhabited by crocodiles how do you cross it? A: You swim across, the crocodiles are at the animal conference.

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Your mom is so fat that she has type 2 diabetes.

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What do you call a donkey that can't speak? Whatever you want to call it...I prefer to call it a donkey that can't speak!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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