What happened the the blonde that went swimming? She cooled off and enjoyed a hot summer day.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? I don't know it really depends on the car, usually about 2 in the front, 3 in the back and... That's about it

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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Whats big red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater.

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Why is the sky blue? I don't know I thought you knew

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You know what is funny about r.ape? Nothing. It's horror

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why did the Chinese man have a cat in his oven? Because his wife had decided to divorce him that day so he threw he in the oven, and the cat happened to be in her arms at the time.

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Q: What do you call a Muslim controlling a plane? A: A pilot.

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Knock, Knock Who's There? (Silence) Wondering who was there, the man opened the door, to find a baby in a basket in front of him.

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Neither does he.

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Have you heard the joke about the Swedish surgeon who found a frog in his patient's stomach? Yes, you've told me it before.

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What do you call it when the sh*t hits the fan? The sh*t hits the fan.

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Sac

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Q: What do you call Justin Bieber with a penis? A: Darn good plastic surgery.

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Knock Knock Yes?

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Why couldn't little Johnny play sports like the rest of the kids? He was diagnosed with polio at the age of 3 and has limited use of his legs.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Why is a building called a building when it's already been built? My pinky is pink and my liver helps me live.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool The tragic drowning of a quadrapalegic

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Kid- "Where do babies come from?" Mom- *Commits Suicide*

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Knock Knock… Who is there? Orange. Orange Who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana? Actually I really wish you did, because I am Hypokalemic and am about to die you asshole.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm dyslexic couldn't tell, could you?

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Is there any non dirty numbers these days, 69, just kidding

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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