what looks, smells, and sounds like red paint? blue paint, I lied about it being red

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How do you make a nerd cry? Give him a 99% on a test.

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What'f funny and has 8 wheels? The Holocaust, I lied about the wheels

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What's five times 10? Sixty, you retarded fuck.

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What did the janitor have for breakfast? Food

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God is the English name given to a singular being in theistic and deistic religions who is either the sole deity in monotheism, or a single deity in polytheism. He (I use the term 'He' as it is the most common conception) is said to be omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and omnibenevolent. I highly doubt he will give you lemons.

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knock knock Who's there Rick Rick who Your wife's boss she got into an on the job accident and will never walk again... I'm sorry but your insurance doesn't cover the injury.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A nugget

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Your momma is so fat she has an increased risk or cardiac arrest due to obesity. I ridicule her based on the theory that her morbid obesity is due to the fact that she has a diet consisting of large amounts of calories and high fat content and/or she is known to be very sedentary and does not partake in physical exercise. However, if this increase in body fat content is due to genetics I retract my previous statement and wish only the best for her, also, you might want to lower your calorie intake and visit your local gym, lest you succumb to morbid obesity, much like your mother.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

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A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon a school, every school in the area had an American flag outside it, so he sees the flag and atop this flag a man is sitting and he doesn’t look comfortable. Next to the flag pole is a chair with a flag attached to it and the wind is as strong low down. So he looks at the man and says "Sir I think you may be using those wrong." The man on the flagpole says "why?" So he says well this chair is flat and made for sitting and this flag pole has a draw string for the flag. The man atop the flag pole says "I'm sure good will come of this…..im sure." the man says "What good could possibly come of this!" and the man on top of the flag pole looks at him and says "Later……………..you can tell this story to your friends and disappoint them when they find out theirs no punchline."

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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The trick to making a good anti joke is having anticlimactic ending.

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You have 6 basketballs. One rolls away. How many do you have? None because your family has a low income, lives in a broken down trailer, and has 5 other kids to supply for.

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What did one skeleton say to the other? Nothing... Skeletons don't have vocal cords

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what happens when chuck norris does a push up. he pushes himself up

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An Englishman, and Irishman, and a Scottsman walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate your mom.

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What do a woman and a female dog have in common? They were both annoying so I put them down.

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What did the hispanic guy say after he took a bite out of a McDonald's hot n' spicy chicken sandwhich. I'm lovin' it.

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A man throws a penny off of a cliff. He is now one cent poorer

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Why did the woman not make her husband a sandwich? Because he died in 9/11

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Whu did the boy drop his cheeseburger? Because the school janitor whacked him with a mallet.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a drawer? 10 25* *if you use a blender

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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