Why did they bury the fireman on the east side of the green grassy hill, to the left of the old well, underneath the huge apple tree? Because he was dead.

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My Texting Convos: "Heyy!" "Hi!" "Watz up?" "nm hbu?" "Same here!" "Koolio!(: So wrud?" "Nothing. Just texting you!" "Yea! Same! I'm so bored! And tired!" "Ikr!" "Yupp!" *No one answers. When this is what you really want: "I love you soooo much!" "Awwwwh!<3 I loe you too!" "Do you wanna go out?(;" "YES!!(:" "ily<3" "iyl2<3" *convo goes on forever(: Moral: Purple tomatoes are books of yellow buttons on hands(;

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So there's this guy, and he's trying to screw in a lightbulb, right? Well, he did it. Hoorah. His wife was proud.

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Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

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nicky finds it really hard to get it up.

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If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom? Well, that depends if the apocalypse was happening and if there were even any Americans left at all.

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How many rich men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, to hire an electrician to do it for him.

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Yo mama so dirty when she takes baths there are rings.

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First the lord created light by shouti... ...Then the lord travelled back in time in order to create voice before that. The lord then said "I almost logic and everything failed at the very beginning. he corrected himself and saw it was good,

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Knock knock Who's there? Me Me who? Just me

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Whats more ugly then seeing a raccoon and a frog f*cking Your mom

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why did the man fall off his unicycle? because he was dead

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Two friends were hanging out. One of them asks, "what's that awful smell?" the other replies, "I AM NOT A ROBOT!"

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Why did the man eat his wife? He was a cannibal

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a group of teenagers are laughing at a boy around their age when on says "youre stupid" the boy then replies "i prefer the term Autistic"

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Why didn't the man laugh at his son's joke? Because he was born without a mouth.

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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What's faster a train or a bike? A horse because a cow gives milk.

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Why wasn't the door a door? It was a jar.

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Where do cows go in their free time? burger king.

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What's awesome that's awesome that squirts out of a bottle? Ketchup What else is awesome that squirts out of a bottle? Mustard

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Whats the difference between a horse and glue? Nothing

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why did the elephant fall out of the tree? it was hit by a fridge. why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was sellotaped to the elephant.

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Why did the chicken cross the road I don't know

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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