There are two fish in a tank and one says to the other, "how do we drive this thing?"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they smell.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a mormon in a red jumpsuit covered in black spots? Proper terminology for this scenario has not been yet made

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A wanted man walks into a bar. The police come and take him to jail.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Horse with a chair on his head.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas? He's his dad. He bought the presents.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Osama Bin Laden

thumb_up thumb_down +14

why did the boy die? because he got shot

thumb_up thumb_down +14

There are two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Holy shit its hot in here!" The other muffin says, "I concur..."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the man shoot up the movie theater? Because he spent his whole child hood playing Call of Duty Black Ops II, Left 4 Dead 2, and Minesweeper. And video games, are the only thing that would rive someone to shoot up a movie theater.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Two pretzels were walking down the street when one got assaulted...

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A group of 8 paintbal professionals land on an island to battle another paintball team. The team is then faced by a challeng of the other team ambushing them. Everyone is okay and not touched. A case breaks the window of the bus they hide in. They open the case and find a bullet proof vest. A man placed the vest on himself. They made it one by one out of the bus and to the otherside of the field the man with the vest was shot and started going... eghegeheghdjrhherbehgh and they pulled out a real gun bulet. They were now under attack by an enemy with real amunation. Then next man to run across the fied was killed. Tehy ran fr their lives.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A boy with cancer decides to go skydiving for his 18th bithday. Unfortunately, his parchute doesn't work & he dies before he hits the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her." The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q: "What did the blueberry say to the cheesecake?" A: "I'm not your friend anymore!"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a New Zealander with 1000 lovers? A shepard

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you get Vladamir Putin to smile? You tickle him.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

An owl and a squirrel where siting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl then turned to the squirrel and said nothing... cos owls can't talk. The owl then eats the bird because it is a bird of prey

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the man have square fingers? Because he has Apert Syndrome

thumb_up thumb_down +14

three white men are running after a black man,, the black man is winning the race

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Do you want to hear a bad joke? A bad joke

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the black man shoot the white guy? the white man was about to hurt the black mans family.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses are red,violets are blue you want me but i dont want you!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses Are Red I Have A Phone Nobody Txts Me Forever Alone

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops