If your fighting an octopus on mars how many lamps does it take to repair a dog house? Nine because a toaster cannot ride a bicycle.

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Lets go Yankees

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purple pickles

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Why did the...uhh.... Lamp.

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what is sticky and brown?a stick

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? lettuce lettuce who? Lett-uce be friends

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STFU Stop Tickling Fuzzy Unicorns they really don't like it

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What is big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock eater!

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A woman is walking down the street. A midget approaches her and with his keen sense of smell, informs the tall woman of her delicious scent and says, "Ma'am your hair smells lovely, may I please take a closer sniff?" Then woman obliges and the midget is arrested for alleged rape, or as he put it, trying to sniff her vagina.

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What is worse than getting a bad grade on a test. Having your family dog bled out in front of you, bitch.

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Hey, you are competitive, but let me have the last word here and you will like it. If you keep poking your nose constantly, the effect will actually overlap, making it stronger and stronger, by all means though, make sure you keep some nose working alright?

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How can you tell if a substance is an acid or a base just by looking at it? You can't. pH or Litmus paper would be necessary in order to determine whether a substance is an acid or a base.

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Ask me if im a tree! Are you a tree? No

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What did the alcoholic tell his son? Don't do meth.

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You have cancer

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There was an english man, and irishman and an pakistani sitting in a bar. What a wonderful example of racial & cultural differences bing put to one side while they are socialising in a friendly environment.

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What happened to the black man when he was eating a Tootsie Roll? He ate the entire thing but was still hungry due to the empty calories.

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once upon a time, it snowed

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was blind and deaf.

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A man dressed in a business suit goes into a doctor's office. He asks the receptionist how much a vasectomy would cost. After a minute of her looking it up on the computer she turns to him and says "The procedure will cost $750." He then thanks her and leaves.

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a. how did you shoot the rabbit? b. with my banana

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How do you find out how many Mexicans are living in the United States? Take a Census.

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Whats worse than ten babies stapled to a tree? One baby stapled to ten trees.

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Knock, knock Who's there? It's me Me who? Just open your damn door funny guy it's freezing out here

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops