Roses are red, Violets are blue. Most poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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A Fat person walks out of mcDonalds

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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I remember this one time... I was sleeping... And all of a sudden... I woke up... Yeah.

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Simon says.. Nothing because he is deaf, so therefor he would have to sign it to you.

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What's the difference between car keys and truck keys? Literally nothing.

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Why do dyslexic people stink at typing? c k j a h s d i u p q h g n z v m n k b e r t y o f This is why...

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How many people buried in a cemetery are dead? All of them.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? A teenage girl was texting and driving, didn't see it, and now it's roadkill.

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Knock knock *the family is on vacation and doesn't answer*

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2 men walk into a bar. 3 come out

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How do they call a black man that works in a mine. Miner.

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why did the woman get electricuted? because there was an electric fence around the kitchen.

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Why did the Chinese Arab buy blue paint? He already had red in his basement.

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A teen walks in on his parents having sex. He then vomits in his mouth and shuts the door.

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A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" the Eggman and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

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What did the kid with cancer get for his birthday? Nothing he didnt make it that far

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Yo mama is so fat, she's bigger than a whale. I have two fathers.

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WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

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24... wait i thought of something better than 24... let me hear it... 25!!!!

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I named my cat Pounce because she jumps. In retrospect I suppose most cats do jump, in fact, they are even known for it.

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What do you call a man with no legs or arms trying to ski? Impossible.

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You know your in deep shit when you hit somebody in the head with a 2 by 4 and they dont go down.

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wake n shake = wake up and masterbate to a picture of drew e mom o.O

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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