Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returned and said, "My friend does not have a pulse and he is not breathing, so I stand by my prior assumption."

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s

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What's black and white and red all over? A dead penguin.

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Yo mamma is so skinny, she has developed anorexia, a serious eating disorder, which not only affects her, but also the ones that she loves and cares about.

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You know that feeling you get when you see your crush walking towards you? No, I'm blind.

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why was six afraid of seven? because seven threatened to kill him and his family.

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Why was Jimmy upset? There is a frog taped to his face.

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What do you call Batman with a knife in his chest? Dead

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Peter charas threw a masterball at a level 20 Zubat!!!!!

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What is lazy? My balls. All they do is hang.

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Whats the difference between a ghost and a dolphin? Ghosts aren't dolphins.

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A priest a rabbi and a minister are all standing at the gates of heaven. Us mortal beings can only conjecture what might've have taken place.

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What is red, blue, green, and pink, tie died, and alive? Nothing.

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what starts with P and ends with u-b-e-s? Paul, can you brang me some priangles and the rest of my Rubik's cubes?

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how did the doctors try to cure stephen hawking? turn him off then back on again

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How do you get a child off a swing? Throw a fridge at him

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Hey, have you heard the one about the elf and the watermelon? Neither have I.

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What goes in dry and comes out wet and sticky? Bubble Gum

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How do you tell if an alien had been in your house? All your lightbulbs are gone and your fridge is pregnant.

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Whats worse biting into an apple and finding a worm? -bidoof

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Q:What's the difference between my refrigerator and the trunk of my car? A: There isn't a spare tire in my refrigerator.

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How dou you find the population of mexico? Take a census....... By throwing a dime in the street!

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Why was the man sad? He was molested as a child.

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What did the sick kid say to Make a Wish foundation? To get better

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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