There were 2 drunk men. Man 1:im planning to buy the world. man 2:you cant. man 1:why. man 2: cause im not gonna sell it.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. Want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke again? Bubbles was the girl next door, Jonny raped her.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Their was three black men that walked into a bar. They then ordered three drinks and had sex... I lied about walking into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why didn't the boy eat his vegetables? he was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

~Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? ~ ~He was dead. ~ ~Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? ~ ~He was stapled to the monkey!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats red and tastes like parsley? Not Red Parsley

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? A: Because she is a fictional character.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead become stranded on a desert island. As they are searching for food and shelter, they come across a mystical-looking lamp. They rub the lamp, but nothing happens because genies don't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

True or fales? Eddie Izzard.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Two black men and a latino board a plane together. They are members of the Marshall High School football team, and all die in the subsequent crash.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Hey! You wanna' hear a joke? Black Freedom

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Oh na na not today Oh na na maybe tommrow

thumb_up thumb_down +6

My love life

thumb_up thumb_down +6

an autistic child eats its family's dogs poop and dies

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A man and a woman walk into a bar... They both die from cerebral hemorrhages.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Jumping out of an airplane is a once in a lifetime expeirence.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because having no sense of hearing or vision she is completely incapable of operating any sort of machinery.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: What do they call watermelons in Indiana A:watermelons

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you make a blonde fall off of a cliff? You push her off of the cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the pregnant teen get for Christmas? A miscarriage

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Her father beat her

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was the girl crying? DEEZ NUTS!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops