- Anti Joke

How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

Yo mama so fat, she should see a doctor to discuss healthier lifestyles.

Q: what's the difference between a young, geeky kid living in Wisconsin's basketball and Yao Ming's basketball? A: young, geeky kids cannot live in Wisconsin's basketball. Wisconsin is a state, and states cannot own objects because they aren't sentient beings. And Yao Ming's basketball... is just a regular basketball that happens to be owned by Yao Ming.

Yo mama so fat , when she went to the doctors office and stepped on the scale they said please, your weight, not your phone number .

Who is big and stupid My brother

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the salamander, macaroni and cheese

is this the krusty krab? no this is smooth lobster.

"bluar blah blah blarRR/ the stupid pointless part" dead people/ animals/ objects can't talk/ drive/ operate compueter, lol I'm so focken funni

whats every colour and loved by everyone Mario

What happened when the nigga looked up his family tree? A gorilla shit in his face

Why did the little boy leave his bike on the side of the road? He was kidnapped and his body was found 2 weeks later at Penn State

What's red and the size of a packet of crisps? A Miscarriage

What's green, fuzzy, and can kill you if it fell from a tree? A pool table.

What do you call a needy person? A person whos needs need needs.

whats helen kellers favorite activity fingering herself

An American and Russian are arguing about their country. The American says "I can do things you can't. I can walk into the White House and into the Oval Office. I can bang my hands on my President's desk and say "Mr. Obama, I don't like the way you're running your country." The Russian says, "I can do that." The American says, "No, you can't." The Russian says, "Sure I can. I can go to Vladimir Putin's office and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way Mr. Obama's running his country."

A apple is red a banana is to never mind that joke sucks

What's black and dangerous? A fridge, I lied about the black part.

Yo momma's so fat she ate Sally's arms. Knock Knock Who's There. The police we have a warrant for your mothers arrest on charges of cannibalism and kidnapping.

Why does life hand you lemons? Because it sucks enough, so it wants you to have some.

Boy: Why is the sky blue? Man: Because it is

Dani Barton is a stupid GIRL

Why do women go to the bathroom together? To clean their filthy pussies.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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