How do you stop a car from hitting a kid? You don't.

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What do you call a man with a limp? A limping man.

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Why is the fat kid on the ground crying? Because I hit him with a shovel

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Friends are a lot like trees... ...they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Charcoal is black and so is my neighbor

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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What do you get if you mix a Bulldog and a Shih tzu? A new breed of dog.

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Why did th chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock knock! Who's there? The chicken

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Im going to the patriots jets game this year..... When the kick a feild goal and you see two kids wearing lime green holding up a poster that says BRADY LIKES SAGGY BALLS that will be me and my friend -RT

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Interrupting Pessimist. Interrupting Pessi- Slavery.

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What did the man say to the woman he was in love with? Sure, I understand and I'm okay with being just friends.

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Your feet are so big your gonna need bigger shoes.

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Okay, so your school has a fire drill, and a ginger asks why the alarm went off. You reply, “Some new kid saw your hair and pulled the fire alarm

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What happens when you leave Toby alone in your house? He eats your carpet, some pillows, ur dog, ned, neds dog and a glass panel. This is why 2 +h = plugger +Mount Everest (I is potato annoying). Bonjour.

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Ha ha. You've wasted your life, sucker!

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2 mentally, unstable , woman visit the cinema , and watched "The Sweeney,"they really enjoyed it

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven's dad owned a shot gun.

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Why did the kids all eat their homework? Probably because they were starving to death and there was no other food source available.

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How do you know what time it is in the dark? Turn on the light and look at the clock.

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Verbal assault; because battering someone to death with a dictionary has never been so much fun. [L]

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what's better than winning the special olympics? -not being retarded

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What happened as a result of the bitter terrorist attack? The president began to devise a plan to help the abused child

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A man walks into a bar The bar now has a hole in it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was stapled to a donkey

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops