A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

four little monkeys jumping on the bed... one fell of and bumped his head... mama called the doctor and the doctor said... im calling child protection services.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: What's the difference between sheetrock and drywall? A: nothing. It's just two names for the same thing.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Show me the money! Said the man last wednesday.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time louder.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, "You know, we don't get many kangaroos here." Barack Obama replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised. That's why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil."

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What is more dangerous than heroine? T.J. Lane

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what do you call a 19th century steam train driver ? i dont know , depends what his mother named him

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Do you ride the bus to school or do you take your lunch?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are red Here is something new Violets are violet NOT FUCKING BLUE

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Hey I just met? you and this is crazy I have alzheimers Hey I just met you

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the kid raise his hand in class because he had a question

thumb_up thumb_down +4

If your uncle helped you off An horse, would you help your uncle jack off an horse?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do a Penguin, and your best friend have in common? They'll both die if you shoot them in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why do girraffe's have long necks? because my foot is so far up all their asses that it hits their head, pushing it away from the body.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Mirror mirror on the wall. Why can't I see?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worse than finding a band aid in your Crock-pot? Finding a Crock-pot in your band aid.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

it depressed me to be diagnosed with depression

thumb_up thumb_down +4

how do you get a black guy out of a tree? ask himnicely and if he doesn't promptly call the fire department

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many dead babes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? its not possible because there all dead

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Spongebob: Patrick! Can you hear me? Patrick: No, it's too dark.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops