What did Batman get for Christmas. Nothing his parents are dead.

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cancer

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What did the blind orphan get for christmas? Cancer

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how do you make a plumber cry? you hit him in the face

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Why did Miley Cyrus have to buy a new tour bus? The old one stopped twerking.

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What do you call it when you lend money to a bison? Unitelligent, because bison do not have the ability to purchase things with money so it will most likely just eat the money.

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My childhood friend said she had a bad breakup with her husband (yeah husband), and that she needed a really stiff one. Come on! How was I supposed to know she was talking about alcohol! She did blush and smile after I pulled my pants down however, that`s like seven out of ten right? I mean I was just trying to help a friend out right? And myself, fine myself, but it will be a total win/win situation, you know... Those where you win twice? "Dont worry, Im not comming" *pewpew*

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A legless and armless woman is laying on the beach. A man walks by and hears her crying. "What's wrong?" asks the man. "I've never been kissed before" says the woman. So the man leans down and kisses her. The next day the man sees the woman crying at the beach again. "What's wrong this time?" asks the man. "I've never been hugged before" So the man picks up the legless and armless woman and gives her a big hug. The next day the man sees the woman still on the beach crying. "Okay now what's wrong?" asks the man. "I've never been f---ked before" says the woman. So the man picks up the woman, and has sex with her. They end up going on several dates later on and getting married at sunset on the very beach where they met.

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What do you do when a man in a corner offers you candy? You walk away.

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I think I lost my number so can I... No you can't because phone numbers can't be lost

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where do you find sunglasses at? the store

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dad said he had to drop the kids off at the pool what does that mean mom? honey it means dad has to take a shit beacuase shit looks like retarded black kids with down sydrome

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So my girlfriend says I'm a pedophile. What does she know she's nine.

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knock knock Who's there Hi, im a memeber of the Church of Latter Day Saints. Id like to talk to you about our lord and savior Jesus Christ

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whats the difference between a dog and a cat? ones a dog.

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Roses are Black Violets are Black I am color blind.

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How do you make a fireman cry??? Kill His Family

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You're mum is so fat, she has low self-esteem

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What happened when john pelted susie with a rock? she had a temporary concusion, needed eight stitches and John was grounded

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How do you pleasure your grandmother? Ask your brother

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What did the autistic child say to the doctor? Nothing. His condition is so severe that he is mute and may never talk for the rest of his life.

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25

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If a girl sleeps with 20 guys, she's a slut. If a guy does the same... He's Gay.

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What's white and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A refrigerator.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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