What was going through the minds of the Sandy Hook victims? Bullets.

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A man named Carl walks into a bar and sees another man named Ed who has purple skin and is holding a chinchilla in one hand and a policeman's helmet in the other. Carl approaches Ed and asks, "Why is your skin purple and why are you holding a chinchilla in one hand and a policeman's helmet in the other?" Ed replies stating, "Well its actually a pretty funny story. I was sailing near cape cod and a saw a large whale jump out of the water, and that gave me a really good idea. So I sailed home immediately and wrote a very detailed novel about my days in Vietnam. The book was a success and I was able to make a large amount of money. However, unfortunately I became addicted to cocaine and wasted all of my money and had to live on the streets. Since then, I have cleaned up my act and am working again and have a house. I decided to treat myself to a night out and so I came here and painted myself purple. Then, I found this chinchilla and policeman's helmet on the floor and decided to hold onto it until I find the owner. Now that I think about it, that story isn't very funny. I apologize." Carl then accepted the apology and the two had a drink together and are still good friends today.

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When Chuck Norris dives into a pool... he gets wet due to the aqueous nature of the water

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what do you call an elephant crossing a fish? a elephant fish

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What's the difference between a cheeseburger and a dead baby............I don't j!zz on the cheeseburger before I eat it.

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How do you get really high at home? You climb a ladder

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Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But this one doesn't

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How do you make a miner sad? You cut his d*ck off then feed it to his family.

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Q: What's red and bad for your teeth? A: Bricks.

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A cat walks into a bar. She belongs to the owner, so he gives her a saucer of milk.

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A man walks into a bar and the barenter says, "What'll it be?" The man says, "I'll take a Bud Light."

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Why isn't the dog a rebublican? Because it's a dog.

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Yo Mama is so dumb, that she scored significantly below average on the SAT's.

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What did one say to the other woman? I have a penis

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Why does Joel's breathe smell?

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Q: How many times did the chicken cross the road? A: One and a half.

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why did the tortoise cross the road? it does not matter, it got hit by a vehicle and died on impact.

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Roses are brown Violets are brown There is crap in my garden

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Why don't I understand myself? Because I am an anti-joke and lack a self-aware existence.

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there was this kid who was perfectly well-adjusted, had most normal things a person needs and a generally good life. what did he get for Christmas. non-hodgkins lymphoma.

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How many Anne Franks does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, cause she's dead.

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you know why they're called ear wigs, right? cause they go in your ears! then they wig out? no, they kill you.

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Doctor: Knock, Knock Patient: Who's there? Doctor: The interupting doctor Patient: The interruptin.... Doctor: You have aids.

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what do you call a gay guy in a sleeping bag? a fruit roll-up. GET IT? because gay guys like fruit roll-ups.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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