Two Cows are knitting soda water in a lightbulb. One of them said: Talking about milk, what time is it? The other pulls out a thermometer, looked at it and said: Wednesday.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A homeless guy on the brink of starvation found one dollar lying on the street. He took it and bought a lottery ticket at the local drugstore. God was looking down on him with pity that day and decided that day that he would no longer be a vagabond. The next day, the homeless man won the lottery jackpot, worth 100 million dollars. He declared that on that day, he was the luckiest and happiest man alive. He then woke up in a pile trash.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A one armed blond is in a tree, how to you get her to come down? You wave to her?

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Q: why is there always a window in front of the kitchen sink A: so when the woman is washing the dishes she can see the grass she is about to cut

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What do you do when your wife is about have a baby? Throw her off the balcony go into parking lot and reach into her mouth if you feel a leg stab her in the belly button untill her intestines are coming out and burn the body singing Elmo's world

thumb_up thumb_down -21

69

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? A watch and a pair of socks.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A chicken walks into asda/walmart The person at the counter says: "What can I get you?" The chicken says: "Cluck"

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did the Asian say after he had a nightmare? Nothing his nightmare was actually reality and a dishwasher fell on him and killed him.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

whats wosre than stubbing your toe? being lost on a desert island being raped

thumb_up thumb_down -21

John has 58 candy bars. He eats 40, what does John have? Diabetes, John has Diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Your mama sucks so much dick, it's not funny.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Is this the Krusty Krab? Yes, how may I help you?

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Due to the wildlife conservation program prevalent in the neighborhood, the chicken was able to cross the road safely.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why are Asians so good at math? because of their work ethic and determination to become the best at everything.rice.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I got a brother. He's bigger then you.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the salamander, macaroni and cheese

thumb_up thumb_down -21

dat shoe shine tho

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Q: A Mexican and a Jew are at a race. Who get hit first? A: None of them because they're from a different religion.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

why did the chicken cross the road? because he was trying to kill himself in the fastest and easiest way due to his drinking problems, which in the first place separated him him from his wife, who is fighting with him in court for custody of there only child ,Steven. He can not even pay the rent on his apartment or hold a job to pay child support..he is also in debt.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

why couldn't the little boy sleep? he was being tortured.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why did the little boy fall down? Be he had the downs.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Two muffins are in an oven. And by muffins I mean jews. They both die a horrible death.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops