A guy walks into a bar. He orders a drink and sighs heavily, waiting to escape the reality of his broken home, his cheating wife, and his high school dropout kid.

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roses are red violets are blue a pyschorapist just ate me refrigerator

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Abbie im pretty sure your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory

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What do you call a blonde prostitute your bitch

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Cancer

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How did the chef bake 20 muffins for the king? My name is Bob.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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How does micheal Jackson know when it's bed time? When the big hand touches the little hand.

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How can you tell if someone is vegan? -they'll tell you

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A Muslim gets off his plane from Saudi Arabia to New York and walks to customs where a TSA agent asks him "what is you business in America?" The Muslim responds "I am here for a vacation". He walks on, and returns home 10 days later.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The man replies, "I was born with an extra chromosome."

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have Parkinson's dl;ghd;jgfldsj;foshdgoljdlkfnjslpaoijejknjvnoidnmaokepinjndonfvio

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was running away from KFC.

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Whats brown and sticky? Brown paint,

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

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Your mom is so poor that she can't even pay attention.

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Two scientists walk into a bar The first says “I’ll have some H2O.” The second says “I’ll have some H2O, too.” Both of them receive water because the bartender is not irresponsible enough to serve concentrated hydrogen peroxide as a drink.

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What's worse than slipping on a bannana peel? The Gestapo. Go to Aushwitz now.

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A dancer walks into a barre

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What do a turtle and an eagle have in common? They can both fly. Except for the turtle.

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Roses are dead Violets are too Were all gonna die So are you.

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yo mama is so dumb, she got all Fs on her report

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So a man walks into a bar… and gets a bad bruise and a big bump.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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