A guy walks into a bar. He has a couple beers, gets in his car and goes home. He got arrested on the way because it is illegal to drink and drive.

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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Roses are red violets are blue I think you re stupid go eat a shoe

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My name is Dave I like poems Microwave ummmmmmmmm (enter word that rhymes with poems)

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Studies show that 95% of house fires are caused by fire.

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Why did the Negro say no to the Aryan? It doesnt matter what he said! thats racist!

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Q: What used to be black, and then became white, and touches young boys? A: Michael Jackson.

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Mexicans don't use lightbulbs because they can't afford them.

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why did jonathan not get any presents for the holiday?because it was the 4th of July

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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were driving on a highway. The redhead asked the brunette, who had the map, which was the next exit. The blonde was better with maps so she took it and announced where to go. They made the exit and enjoyed a nice lunch.

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A Blonde Goes On "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"

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Hello we are from the church of the latter day saints.

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Why did Suzy Fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Suzy.

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If you were a booger..................... I would get a tissue so i could blow my nose.

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Why is Macaroni Boy so Cool Because He's not

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just in time?

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Two little boys are talking to each other: - My dad's dick is soo biig! - Eh, my dad's dick is small but it still hurts...

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Why did Bob throw butter out the window, Because he is mentally retarded.

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A man walked into a bar. I shot him

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What do you do when you see someone from the kkk? Accept what you saw and move on with your day

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What's another name for asexual reproduction? Parthenogenesis.

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Why is Michael Jackson bad at checkers? Cause he's dead.

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What's the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds? They've reached sexual peak but aren't yet past it. Plus, they still aren't in their 30's.

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Why did the black guy cross the road? His car was parked across the street.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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