What did the chicken say to the butcher? Moo.

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Why couldn't my grandpa use a cell phone? He didn't have hands.

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What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, water and sand are incapable of speech. Unless of course you are Harry Potter in which case you can cast a spell on them and turn them into a cat which still couldn't talk and them from there you could wait for them to evolve which doesn't actually exist so you would have to ask God and then you would wait for a few years than they could say hi.

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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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A man walked into a bar. He sat down, had a nice meal and went home relatively satisfied.

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Diana- hey i havnt seen you all summer. Whaaat did you do over the summer? Paul- contract HIV Diana- ...oh ...

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What did god say when a black person was born? Damn I burnt one

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You know how they say cats have nine lives? They don't.

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If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your Uncle jackoff an elephant? Probably not because it would take more than 3 hands to jack off an elephant P.S. Your Uncle Jack only has 1 hand. Your uncle was on a swing and a clown cut off his hand with an ax

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A farmer accidentally trips his wife. She falls down the stairs and the farmer is quickly arrested for murder.

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If your reading this, youre not blind.

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I am strangling you. Do you see my arms? I AM FREAKEN STRANGLING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

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Why didnt sally throw out her lunch? Her mom had a miscarriage, she was never born.

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Your momma is so fat because she ate alot!

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School is like a boner. It is long and hard unless your asian.

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A drunkard walked into a bar, and up to the bartender. He proceeded to **** the **** until he ******. I proceeded to break down in immense frustration over censorship.

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Why was the trash man feeling sad about his life? Because he had a mild case of depression to which his doctor recommended taking antidepressant pills.

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How does Lady Gaga like her meat? As a dress.

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Two black guys and two asians get pulled over. The cop says i cant let you go unless all of your dicks add up to 15 inches. They added up to exactly 15 inches - The black guys both added up to 7 inches each and the asians added up to 1/2 inch each. When they were driving away both of the asians said thank god we had boners.

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Your mother is so fat that it became a problem affecting everyone close in her life. Her new year's resolution was to lose weight, and surprisingly, has become quite healthy since then.

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What did the purple dragon say to the unicorn? He doesn't say anything to the unicorn because dragons and unicorns don't exist. Even if they did exist, dragons and unicorns can't talk, unless we're talking about cartoons. Also, even if it was a cartoon or whatever, do you really think a purple dragon has ANYTHING to say to a unicorn?! Of course not! Oh look at me I'm a cool talking dragon, I have something so important to say to this unicorn. Gimme a break...

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What's the difference between a black man and a orange? One is a fruit and other isn't

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What did little ben get for christmas? A dead grandma

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Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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