Why shouldn't you try to pick up a live scorpion with your teeth? Because it could easily sting your face, or mouth.

A woman walked into a bar. Many men laughed at this unthinkable notion because women belong in the kitchen.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from KFC.

If pro is the opposite of con what's the opposite of progress? Retrogression.

What's the difference between an alien and Obama? - Nothing they are both aliens.

What did the alcoholic tell his son? Don't do meth.

An Irishman, a Zimbabwean and a South African walk into a bar... oh wait, it's just the English cricket team.

A man walks into a bar, and promptly leaves because he left his kid in the car.

why did the man slip on the knife? he wanted to commit suicide

Knock Knock The occupant uses their peephole and realizes it is a familiar face then proceeds to let them in.

What does an Israeli gun sound like? Jew, jew, jew, jew, jew

How many jews can you put in a four seat car? two in the front two in the back.

what is the worst thing to find out about for wife she is your arm

What did the Asian man say to the taxi driver? Diarrrhea

A Blonde Goes On "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"

It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum... ...and I'm all out of ass but still have plenty of bubblegum to sit down and chew in a quiet and leisurely manner.

What did the mom tell her son who she caught masticating loudly? "Do it with your mouth closed!"

What disease did Harry Styles get? 1Infection! (if you don't know, Harry Styles is 1direction's manager)

What's red and can't find a family? A fire hydrant

knock knock whos there **gunshot ...man that gun show next door is annoying

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there. Just kidding because today brought terminal cancer.

Two guys walk into a bar.... OUCH

What's worse than finding a worm inside your apple? Finding an apple inside your worm.

What is green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? An elephant I lied!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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