69...you know how awkward this is now...

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, That's what they tell me because I'm blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Your mum is so ugly that i make jokes about how ugly she is

thumb_up thumb_down +6

"knock knock" "who's there" "Chuck" "Get out of here Chuck I hate you!"

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A B C D E F G.... Gummy bears are chasing me 1 is red, 1 is blue 1 is tryin to steal my shoe now i'm running for my life cuase the red 1 has a knife

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q:Whats yellow and white and sits at the bottom of a pool? A: A baby with slashed floaties Q:Whats red and gory and sits at the top of a pool? A: Floaties with a slahed baby

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the doctor say to the obese person? You have diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Id like to apologize for the one below (near the end yeah at the very end yeah that near you fuck!) When I said I give candy to etc etc I did mean I do not give candy to... Well... Nothing male, and I do not apologize, thank you. Shortie: Me as a Sociopath vs Sociopath with faster gunplay: So A Sociopath moved into my neighborhood, he arrived at my place and said hey you? You the sociopa... "BOOM" Moral: Shoot first, listen later... And if you hear something keep shooting... Anyway that was not the Sociopath but I got him eventually.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

My trip to Italia: Italian most: WELCOME TO ITAAAAAAALIA! YOU WANT THE PIZZA YES? Me asking my then Italian girlfriend: Are all Italians so loud? Then girlfriend: Yeah kinda... Her brother overhearing us: WHO! GAVE! YOU THE BALLS! TO JUDGE US! Me: Uh I am just surprised at... Her bro: I SAID WHO GAVE YOU THE BALLS... DONT LOOK AT ME! Me: *looking down at the ground somewhat ashamed* bro: LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU! NO! DONT LOOK AT ME! I will let you go for this time yes? Next time I will take you outside and beat you up okay? LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU! AND DO NOT LOOK AT ME! Conclusion: Wow you Italians are bad ass... I mean hell this is was a real life experience of mine, I was just a teen back then but I got a headache and threw up ending up in bed later... Fact: I am nearly two meters but walk with a hunch, the guy was half my size but still broke me down, wow Italians are bad ass...

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why do they call Jean a redneck? Because her neck was red from being in the sun for so long.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A blind man walks into a bar. The next day he goes out and buys a new seeing eye dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you call a man with a spade stuck in his head? An ambulance, he may be in need of urgent medical assistance

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How can you ruin someone's day? Tell them their mother has cancer. No really, I found out my mom has cancer a week ago.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: What drug did the addict do at the Grand Canyon? A: None; after years of battling substance abuse, he came to realize the social, financial, and health consequences had significantly degraded his quality of life, and was appalled by his bad decisions.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

knock knock Who's there Rick Rick who Your wife's boss she got into an on the job accident and will never walk again... I'm sorry but your insurance doesn't cover the injury.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you call a fucking idiotic douchebag with ebola? An ebloa paitent

thumb_up thumb_down +6

why was the teenage girl crying? She was molested as a child

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What is green and drives around in the desert and is not a tank? secretly a tank

thumb_up thumb_down +6

So these two guys walk into a bar... Well, I forgot the rest of the joke, but your mother a whore.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Your mom is so ugly she often finds it difficult attracting members of the other sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Obama lin Baden.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was walking.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops