How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Attack her with a sanding machine.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she has no arms

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Q: What do you get when you cross Rebecca Black and a day of the week. A: a stupid song called FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Chuck norris doesn't make his own butter he roundhouse kicks the cow and the butter comes straight out.

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How did the dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the leg of a chicken.

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Your mums a potato

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what did a poor guys get for christmast ? brain tumor.

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If pro- is good or favored and con- is bad, then why do people favor the constitution and stay away from prostitution?

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, I'm blind.

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What does a weasel and a naked college girl have in common? No clothes

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A man shaves at least 3 times a week, yet he has the longest beard in town, how is that possible? He shaves his head because he's embarrassed about his rampant and patchy balding.

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Knock Knock... Who's there? Nine... Nine who? Nine Eleven.

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What did Ann Frank say when she dropped her icecream Nothing because she was captured by Natzis

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

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An irishman walks into a bar and drinks 6 pints of guiness. He then drives himself home and savagely beats his wife and children.

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Why is purple the best color. Cuz icecream has no bones

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Why was the sock sad? Impossible. Socks dont have emotions.

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A black, Kenyan man enters a race. He comes in second to last as he didn't practice as much as the other contestants.

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What did the milk bottle say to the other milk bottle? Nothing. Bottles can't talk you silly goose.

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what's the difference between a zebra and a horse They are spelled differently

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Why do black guys always have sex on their mind? Because they are men.

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what starts with b and ends with b? The bomb i just planted in your house.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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