a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded at sea,the brunette swims 1 quarter of the way to shore, gets tired and drowns.The redhead swims 3 quarters of the way to shore, gets tired and drowns. The blonde swims half the way to shore, gets tired and swims back.

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what do you call afish and a cat? a catfish

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The most common example of anti-joke is "Why did the chicken cross the road?" with the answer, "To get to the other side." The punchline is intentionally mundane. An example is: "What do you get when you cross a muffin with chocolate chips? "A chocolate-chip muffin." The no soap radio joke, normally involves 3 people. Two people who know what the joke is about, and the third who is not in the know, or "the victim". The person delivering the punch line is deliberately unfunny but when the punchline is delivered the two people in the know react as if they have been told a very funny story, to pressure the person hearing the joke into pretending to find it funny. The true punch line comes if the "victim" also reacts as if the story was funny. The shaggy dog story involves telling an extremely long joke with an intricate (and sometimes horribly grisly) back story and surreal or incredibly repetitive plotline, but ending the story with either a weak spoonerism (e.g.'Better Nate than lever!'), or abruptly stopping with no punchline at all. Versions of these jokes may take up to several minutes to tell. The Aristocrats is an adult version of this formula. Other anti-jokes involve unexpectedly blunt and graphic punchlines shock humor or dark humor — which often reference death, infanticide and terminal illness. For example "What did the blind deaf orphan get for Christmas? "Cancer." "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "The police. I'm afraid there's been a serious road traffic accident; your partner is in intensive care." Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus. In writing, it is common to put a period after the punchline of the anti-joke rather than an exclamation mark to reflect its dry and superficially non-humorous tone. Anti-jokes may rely on deconstruction of the joke, deriving comedy from the unexpected or inappropriate use of technical or circumlocutional language (crossing into meta-joke): "Three blind mice walk into a bar. They are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from their predicament would be exploitative."- Bill Bailey [edit]Anti-humor in stand-up comedy Anti-humor jokes are often associated with exaggeratedly bad stand-up comedians. One legitimately successful stand-up comedian, Andy Kaufman, had his own unique brand of anti-humor, quasi-surrealist acts coupled with performance art. Ted Chippington's act contained non-jokes delivered in a Midlands monotone. Jimmy Carr is noted for his anti-humor style, anti-jokes being told with a straight face and very precise delivery. Bill Bailey is also noted for his particular brand of anti/meta-humor. John Thomson's stand up character, Bernard Right-on, would deliver set-ups to un-PC jokes (in the style of Bernard Manning), but confound the audience with tolerant, deliberately unamusing punchlines, eg. "A white man, a black man and an Indian walk into a bar. What a wonderful example of an integrated society". Alternative comedy, among its other aspects, parodies the traditional idea of the joke as a form of humor.[3] Andy Kaufman saw himself as a practitioner of anti-humor. Other comedians known for their anti-humor are Ted Chippington, Jimmy Carr, Neil Hamburger, Tim Heidecker, Norm Macdonald, Bill Bailey, and James Quall. [edit]Subversions of traditional jokes These anti-jokes rely on using widely known jokes which the audience is likely to have heard before. Instead of ending the joke in the usual humorous way, a mundane substitute is used, resulting in an anticlimax. Q: Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup? A: Oh, I'm terribly sorry sir, I’ll replace this with a fresh bowl of soup and I’ll have a word with the manager to see if we can deduct a sum from your bill for the inconvenience we have caused you. (Usually 'the backstroke'.) Q: What's worse than finding a worm in an apple? A: Rape. (Usually 'Finding half a worm'.) I was sitting next to a man with jelly in one ear and custard in the other, so I turned to him and said "Are you a trifle deaf?" and he said "no, I'm mentally ill as it happens" ~ Paul Merton Some jokes derive humor from wordplay and puns. They are subverted through substituting the pun with an equivalent phrase with no such linguistic device, creating a cognitive dissonance with the superficial resemblance to the original. Q: When is a door not a door? A: When it is half-open. (usually 'When it is ajar') Anti-humor sometimes manifests itself in poking fun at bad humor by the way of parody.[clarification needed] An example is Jim's Journal, a comic strip by Scott Dikkers, co-founder of The Onion, which has no traditional punchlines. Other jokes rely on parts of a joke told in the wrong order or parts of different jokes told together, creating an effect similar to non-sequitur. Knock Knock Come in. [edit]Nonsense jokes Nonsense jokes lack intrinsic meaning, and become funny simply because they are absurd, as in a nonsense riddle from the 1930s:-[4] Q: What is the difference between a duck? A: One of its legs are both the same. [edit]See also

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What do you do when its night time and you go downstairs and see your tv floating in the air? you say PUT IT DOWN N I G E R

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A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" Rapist and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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T u r n i p s

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What did the mother do when she found out the baby was stillborn? Gave it a proper burial, grieved for months and became a shell of her former self.

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What did Buzz say to Woody? A lot. There were 3 movies.

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Why did the black women sing to the left to the left? Answer: because black people have no rights

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How do you get an elephant into a freezer? You stuff him in there!!

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What did the owl say when it fell out of the tree? Nothing. Owls don't talk.

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Why couldn't the pirate enter into the movie? Because he's dead.

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How do you get a baby in a bowl? You put it in.

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Why was the drunk person arrested? He said to a police officer "I'm gay, so shut up you b****."

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knock knock whos there? steve oh hi steve please come in

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a white man a black man and an asian man had a few drinks at a bar. they all died from alcohol poisoning

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What was the only thing the little boy from tanzania had? AIDS.

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Do you know why, when geese fly south for the winter, one side of the V is always longer than the other? Because there are more birds on that side.

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Lol! The connection timed out. Double D`s they kill my back so I am gonna get them reduced someday, and sure because it gets really itchy otherwise.

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U are with a jew a Christian and a muslim, you walk in chicken shop, thw lights close, and all of a sudden, hitler and a vampire pop up. Which one do you kill? The jew.

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Why was six afraid of seven? The world may never know.

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A homophobic man walks into a bar and the bartender asks: "what can I get for ya" the man replies: "whisky."

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How much cabbage is in sean's teeth? lots, like it's rotting in there

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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