The declaration of Independence was singed in? Pen.

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what do you call a mexican being baptized? a mexican becoming christian.

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Whats the difference between a giraffe and an elephant. Ones a giraffe and ones and elephant

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Q: If a Hungarian boy grows up to be a very successful payroll manager and learns to love and hate, show compassion while firing someone, and how to re-image the entire white house's security system, how many pickles are in the doghouse? A: 17

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I f**ked your mom last night. Will you marry me?

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Why was the boy adopted........ because hes grandad

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What should you do when your husband is staggering in the back yard Shoot him again

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What's grey and doesn't climb trees? A car park.

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How do you fit four elephants in a car ? Two in the front and two in the back

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knock knock? who's there? ivan ivan who? ivan. i want you to apologize for tooking their jobs the other day i said ivan who? i dont have a middle or last name

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Why did the money due? Because it fell out of the tree

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Why are apathy,ignorance, and resentment alike? I dont know and I don't care to know.

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Roses are Tits Violets are Tits I love Tits TITS!

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Always do, always will, I have overcome far worse, doctor told my mother when I was born (without a heartbeat) that I was dead, and if they somehow managed to get me breathing again (heart beating etc) I would have suffered so much brain damage that I would not have a concious mind, in other words I would never have been able to learn anything, not to speak nor to type... ...Gotta say I pretty much fucking disagree with the "good" old doctor, and for the record, my heart is as healthy as... Healthy can be I am ambidextrous, but because of this eyedrum mutant thing of mine, I cant tell left from right, because well, to my radar senses both are left and right. Sorry if I am not making much sense here, just bleed a bit out of my nose, had it been from my ears, things could have gotten ugly, but no, its all good.

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How did Doris respond to Uncle Monty's innapropriate chewing of her nose, ears and eyelids? She cut his head off, placed it an a saucepan, boiled and seasoned it, and then sold it to the middle east. The middle east were very grateful, and sent Doris a camel's penis as a thankyou gift.

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This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

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Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because you touch yourself at night.

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What do you call 5 white guys sitting on a bench? An effect of an overcrowded theme park

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-What's long, hard and full of semen? -Since this is a play on words both an erect penis and a naval submarine could apply here

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Cody went to the store. Big Floppy Donkey Dick.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is dead. Dead people can't drive.

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24

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A blind man walks into a bar No literally he does, he has a guide dog and everything, he's a capable member of society, don't be rude.

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Yolo Pierre because of Etzio tickle shits faggatron and individual nut join forces to become the shit suckers

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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