Q- what do you call a Jew swimming in the Antarctic? A- Dead, any man wouldn't survive swimming in water that cold

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This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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What did the red bag have written on it? Yellow bag

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? Nothing his parents died in a tragic car accident the night before

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WHART++EWEEEEEEEP FLARPEN CARPEN FLARP

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if a dog won't bark, there's no way you can teach it to talk.

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What did the Asian man say to the African man Ching Chang Chong

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Why do dead babies go to funerals? They don't.

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Who made it down the cliff first the blonde or brunet? The brunet, the blonde had to stop for directions

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what did the apple say to the orange? :nothing because an apple is not a human organism nor an orange therefore they can not speak....

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your face

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What did the Irishman say to the German? "Sorry, do you have the time?"

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Why'd the asian man cross the road? I dont know, who cares? Just leave the guy alone

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A Christian and an Atheist are in a bar, the Christian turns to the Atheist and says "If you don't believe in god you will go to hell." The Atheist replies "Your Mom doesn't believe in god." And then turns around to order another drink.

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Wanna hear something dirty? Mud.

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Q what's worse than Tori's singing A absolutely nothing !

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What do you call a guy with an axe in his head? Chuck

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How does Ron Weasley greet Harry in the morning? Mornin' Horry, how did ghe' sleep?

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Why did Mexico enter the war? Because they were bombed.

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red is red blue is blue derpy derp de derp

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A man walks into a library looking for books on poor punchlines. The Librarian directs him to the appropriate section.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Cindy Cindy who? No it's Cindy Lou Who!

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What did the black man buy at the store? Nothing he has no money

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A group of young men walks into a bar. They drink some booze, laugh, have a great time and then go home to sleep.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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