Knock Knock Sorry, I'm in a full body cast and can't answer the door.

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A Sloth runs...

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You have such a big heart (Girlfriend) The doctor's think dangerously so (Guy)

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What has 3 legs? An abnormal human.

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Me: Ask me if I'm an orange. You: Are you an orange? Me: No

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If a vegetarian only eats vegetables, then what does a humanitarian eat?

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to.

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Q. What's long and hard and full of seamen? A. A penis. Oops, I misspelled "semen". Sorry. Also, to clarify, this doesn't describe the normal state of the average penis. Usually they are flaccid, and they can only be said to be "full of semen" at the exact moment of ejaculation.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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How do you stop a bus? You press the brake pedal, causing the brake pads to squeeze the tires. Which will slow the momentum of the bus to the point of stopping.

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your moms my other ride

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My mate mated with my mate's mate. mated of course meaning fucked.

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Rishi is a funny guy, well he thinks he is. true story.

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1.....2.....3.....boom you died

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My heart is in my hands. Or maybe it's yours. Either way it's mine now. You won't need it anymore.

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These are some questions you should never ask on a first date: When you wipe do you throw your toilet tissue in the toilet or on a trash can? Do you smell your hands after you wipe? Do you you ever look down when you take a dump and see it come out? Have you ever picked your butt and then picked your nose with the same finger?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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Question: How did the chicken get to the other side of the road? Answer: Too find his joint.

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What happened when the chicken crossed the road? I got feathers stuck in my cars grill

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What's red and smells like blood? Blood.

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Two guys walk into a bat, they have a couple drinks then go home, one crashed and died in a horrible drunk driving accident. The other, who took a cab, went home and viciously beat his wife.

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how do you confuse a blonde? shes already confused Leave.Her.Alone.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I live in Africa Give me water

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops