When life gives you lemons, take them. Free shit is cool

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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whats 2+2? math.

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A guy trips a blind man.

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Why didn't the family go through the door? Because it was a window.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Unless you're paralyzed.

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3 women are eating popsicles, one is biting, one is licking, and one is sucking, which is married? The one with the wedding ring.

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What's the difference between a baby and a mushroom? One is delicious, the other is a mushroom.

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Usually, the bad (anti) jokes are the ones that don't make you laugh. Sometimes you laugh "with" the joke, other times, you laugh at the joke itself because it is a paragon for human failure. The jokes on this website are not exempt from that rigid stipulation. However, it should be noted that all the "jokes" on this particular website are actually hilarious because of the latter reason delineated in the above paragraph. Additionally, this joke was created by a machine and thus the originator of this work is by no means able to learn from the process of trial and error and therfore can make myriad unfunny jokes without compromise.

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Why did the coconut fall out of the tree? Gravity.

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Why didn't the woman cook dinner for her husband? She had to work late.

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Roses are red, white, pink, and many other colors. Violets similarly display many color variations due to generations of ardent florists.

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How do you kill a blonde? you shoot her.

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What do you get if you cross a banana, a mango, and an apple? A smoothie

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What was the pirate movie rated? PG-13 for violence and mild nudity.

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what are the three types of rings? -wedding ring -engagement ring -suffering

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Why did the man have a curiously-shaped scar on his cheek? He had been mauled by an owl as a child.

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How do you fit 100 jews in a car? It wouldn't work.. Nevermind.

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Person 1: Eric is in the hospital! I think it was those depression pills. Person 2: What did he overdose? Person 3: No he just took to much.

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A man walked into a bar because he worked there.

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A man who can't spell walks into an Arab.

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How do you seat four gay guys at a bar when there's only one stool? Flip the stool over.

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Where was Andy Beckett WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT? In the dark

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your family is dead, I killed them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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