There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can't.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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What did the old man get for Christmas? He forgot because he has alzheimer's

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I dont often wash my hands in the bathroom but when i do its so people dont think im gross.

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A man on his 21st birthday walks into a bar. He orders a piña colada. The bartender then replies "Sorry we do not sell piña coladas here." In disappointment, the man decides to order a different alcoholic drink and later becomes an alchoic for 20 years until he breaks his obsession and remarries his wife and has 5 kids. He then had a great life and died at age 92. He will be missed by his wife and children.

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A man walks into an exam room for a doctor's appointment. The doctor proceeds to perform the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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What's the difference between a man and a woman? Generally speaking- biology, except in cases of transexuality.

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Why couldn't Jack and Jill climb the hill? Because they were bagels.

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ok last night i found a pic of romney saying "if i win the election 8 million people will have no job" then Obama says hey romney now that i won the election it would be 8 million and one stupid.

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DAVID.B YOU O ES 2 BAR YA TRAMP

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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When did the War of 1812 begin? 1963.

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What do you call the man with no arms or legs, swimming in the bay? Bob.

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What do Vladimir Putin and a snake have in common? A central nervous system, to name but one of the many biological similarities.

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Q: Why didn't Little Jhonny go to school today? A: There was no school today.

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Q: why do orphans always go hard? A: because the can never go home.

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I feel like am motherf***ing stuck in this duck and it makes me wana quack like what the f**k is THAT!

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Q: Why is the sky green? A: It's not

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A man walks into a bar and sees a depressed looking giraffe. The man says, “Why the long neck?” The giraffe responds, “That’s not the expression.”

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Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass

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How do you know if you're gay? You find yourself sleeping with people of the same sex.

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a horse walks into a bar. Noticing the potentially dangerous situation everyone leaves, the bartender calls RSPCA who come and retrieve the horse and order is restored.

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In Soviet Russia, everything you do will have an equal and opposite effect, for the laws of physics still apply in every part of the world. No matter where you are.

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European on my shoes, buddy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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