Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returned and said, "My friend does not have a pulse and he is not breathing, so I stand by my prior assumption."

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Your mamas so fat, she was self-conscious about her weight and became an antisocial vegetable.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the man fall off of his bike? He was hit by a car and died in a tragic accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

how how does a black man jump. the same way anyone else does

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Sigh, visit me with a pack of condoms, that is so romantic... Now you tell me something, how old are you REALLY and what is your real name? Oh yeah, my first name is Tifa (I know you hate it for some reason), and I am turning 24 in 30 days.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

a horse walks into an abandoned lighthouse , the lighthouse keeper is angered by this and ushers the horse to leave but the horse gets startled and kicks the mans bookshelf over before galloping away

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chicken cross the road? That is none of your concern as it invades his freedom of privacy.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Id like to apologize for the one below (near the end yeah at the very end yeah that near you fuck!) When I said I give candy to etc etc I did mean I do not give candy to... Well... Nothing male, and I do not apologize, thank you. Shortie: Me as a Sociopath vs Sociopath with faster gunplay: So A Sociopath moved into my neighborhood, he arrived at my place and said hey you? You the sociopa... "BOOM" Moral: Shoot first, listen later... And if you hear something keep shooting... Anyway that was not the Sociopath but I got him eventually.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A chicken decides to cross a road. Unfortunately it gets ran over and does. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's black and blue and is scared to death? the kid in my trunk

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's 9 + 10 19 AB

thumb_up thumb_down +10

- Hi, my name is Sarah Lennon. - Wow! Are you related to Sarah Palin?!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the boy with cancer get for his birthday? Roses on his tombstone.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Actually, 6's fear was totally irrational, and thus unexplainable. This sort of fear is generally referred to as a phobia.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Mary had a little lamb... The doctor fainted

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call a Pakistani flying a plane. 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What is worse than stubbing your toe. Being shot

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the fish say after it's head was cut off? Nothing, it was a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what do you say to the preacher when he walks into church? i dont fu***** know, im jewish.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A man and his friend go hunting,one falls in a hole and appears dead. The friend calls 911 and asks what to do, the operator says ok first we need to make sure he's dead. The friend checks his pulse and finds out he is living, then an ambulance is sent and the hunter lives with minor injuries.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

roses are red violets are blue if you and your sister were hanging from a cliff i'd save your sister

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why couldn't the farmer drive his tractor He had no arms why didn't he have arms Because he was a potato

thumb_up thumb_down +10

There were a dog and a cat in a family house. The dog turned to the cat and said .. nothing because a dog can not speech the human language.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops