Whats black and blue and red all over? A housewife that was recently abused by her alcoholic wife. (from will c. and jack f.)

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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what happened when the shoe turned into a shoe.......... nothing, it was a raisin

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What is lazy? My balls. All they do is hang.

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A bloke walks into a bar. He doesn't say 'ouch' because it was a public house and not a hard surfaced object as you may have thought initially

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Have you heard the one about the blonde and the bear? No. Me neither.

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What does the redhead miss most at a party? Her father. He was in a car accident when she was young.

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What's more fucked up that the Bill Cosby rape accusations? Sam and Adele's shower time on a Wednesday night

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Roses are red Violets are blue Sunflowers are yellow And daisies can be a wide variety of colours.

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whats worse than a 6 dead babies in a dumpster? You were babysitting them.

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Four blonds are driving to Disneyworld. They finally get to Florida and they see a sign that says "Disneyworld: left" so they take the left and get hit by a semi and all die.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? answer: Where's my tractor?

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Why did the boat sink I shot a missile at it

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What's yellow and cant walk? The Sun

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I'm a poet and I didn't even realize I was one

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Q. How did the blind man cross the road A. By an abmulance which took him to the hospital because his first attempt to cross was unsuccessful and the hospital was conventeintly located on the other side of the road.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? A Jehovah's witness.

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-I have an idea! Let's play twenty questions! -Alright! But i have to warn u I have piss running down my leg

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Whats worst than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Being stabbed.

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A van drives into a car.

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Roses are red, my name is Dave, this poem makes no sense, microwave

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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Why didn't the jew eat pork? He was vegetarian.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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