What's living, purple, yellow, and green? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The three of them discuss theology for quite some time and then begin approach various patrons with invites to attend their respective Sunday services.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit on the way there.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Haikus are simple but sometimes they don't make sense refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

There was a papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. They were walking and baby tomato starts lagging behind. So the papa tomato stomps on the baby tomato and says nothing because tomatoes can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the boy throw butter out the window? Because he was mentally handicaped

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm Scizophrenic And so am I.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

whitney housten was supposed to sing at my funeral... but i dont think thats gonna happen. ;(

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did chuck norris die Brain tumor

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? A: You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

You know what's addicting? Heroine.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What does a black person call black friday? Friday

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Daisies are green, poppies are white, I have a headache.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What did Batman say to Robin just before they got in the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: Where does the queen of england live? A: This was the question I had to anwser to be able to post this joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

guess what happened to ur mom? my mom is ded... oh...

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's the difference between a black guy and a bench? A black guy is a living, breathing human being, and a bench is an inanimate object

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did little nancy call the police? Because her dad beats her toaster up.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q:What do African American men call the Internet? A:The Internet

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Don't wake me up. If you wake me up then I will give you a puppy. Just wait until you fall in love with the puppy, because then i will kill it in front of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops