What did a lot of money say? I FEEL LIKE A MILLION BUCKS!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Two carnivorous dinosaurs get into a fight. Carnage ensues and many baby dinosaur eggs are stomped on, and in the end they both die.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A Scotsman, an Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bar... They enjoy their drinks and leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's the difference between a cat and a banana? One is a cat, the other is a banana.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Your mother is so fat that if she were to fall from a great distance she would hit the ground with more force than that of an average sized individual.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

have safe sex

thumb_up thumb_down +5

"I just don't understand the difference between yours and mines." "Well, you see, yours belong to you, whereas mines explode when you step on them."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What can hitler cook well Steak

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the blonde do when she reached the traffic lights? She stopped, as the lights were red.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what's worse than being chased by a turtle? being chased by an angry turtle

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I'm dressing up as a shia for halloween

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the Unicorn do with the Portal gun? Nothing. Neither of them are real.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's the difference between 4 and 6? 2.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q:What's funny about a Jew marrying a Nazi? A:The situation

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did Sara fell off her swing? She has no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sara

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Woman's Rights

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper painted red.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

So a guy goes to his doctor because he thinks he has an STD. He asks the doctor "how bad is it doc?" to which the doctor replies "Well, I got the test results and it doesn't look good. You've got chlamydia, gonorrhea, and onomatopoeia. The guy asks "What's onomatopoeia?" The doctor replies "It's exactly what it sounds like"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen and warns him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and otherwise damaging consequences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man named Carl walks into a bar and sees another man named Ed who has purple skin and is holding a chinchilla in one hand and a policeman's helmet in the other. Carl approaches Ed and asks, "Why is your skin purple and why are you holding a chinchilla in one hand and a policeman's helmet in the other?" Ed replies stating, "Well its actually a pretty funny story. I was sailing near cape cod and a saw a large whale jump out of the water, and that gave me a really good idea. So I sailed home immediately and wrote a very detailed novel about my days in Vietnam. The book was a success and I was able to make a large amount of money. However, unfortunately I became addicted to cocaine and wasted all of my money and had to live on the streets. Since then, I have cleaned up my act and am working again and have a house. I decided to treat myself to a night out and so I came here and painted myself purple. Then, I found this chinchilla and policeman's helmet on the floor and decided to hold onto it until I find the owner. Now that I think about it, that story isn't very funny. I apologize." Carl then accepted the apology and the two had a drink together and are still good friends today.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you fit four gay on a bar stool? Divide the given space into fourths and convince them to share it accordingly. However, due to the fact that bar stools are significantly smaller than the average chair, and the likelihood that the bar has the resources to provide chairs for all of their customers, it would be highly unlikely that the men would choose be remain seated in such an inconvenient manner.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you get when you cross a squirrel and lasagna? I don't know,I'm asking you the question.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Well considering the weight of a fly is 1.2 grams, and the weight of a light bulb is 50 grams (and this is assuming that the fly can lift its own body weight) it would take 41.6 flies. But also considering the fact, that the .6th of a fly is impossible, because it is more than likely to be deceased, it is impossible for flies to screw in a light bulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops