How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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What did little Susie give to young Billy on Christmas? Genital Herpes.

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Q:How do you fit ten babies into a bucket? A: A blender Q:How do you get them out? A: Nachos

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If Tiger Woods is Asian and Black what is he? A golfer!

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Why did Michael Jackson become white? Because he likes to molest children.

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how do you burn a lot of calories? set a fat kid on fire

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You know what pansies remind me of? What? A flower

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Whats the difference between a house and a truck? Ones a truck the other one is a house

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When Geese fly in their 'V' formation, why is one line bigger than the other? There's more geese in that line.

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This joke is the worst joke ever.

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What did the ghost say to the black man? nothing. He just shot him.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. "Are you a tree?" Of course not.

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Did you hear about the guy who did a backflip off the cliff? He died

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What's black and white and red all over? News paper that was used to cover up a dead body.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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Q: What do the French call a quarter pounder with cheese? A: Le Royale with cheese

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What's the difference between a Green Grocers and Fighter pilot! One flys a plane and one sells food.

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What's blue? The sky.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a girl who was knocked off a swing by a fridge.

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What do you call a dead baby who died by getting ran over by a car? Jimmy

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What is Santa's favorite color? Blue

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Why does Courtney smell? she has a severe lack of personal hygiene which needs addressing,

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What did the man say to the cat. ~It doesn't matter it impossible for 2 Species to Communicate between one another.

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Your mother is so fat that people make rude comments about her behind her back, but they shouldn't because she's a really nice lady.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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