- Anti Joke

What did the little boy order at Burger King? He ordered a burger and wiped his booger on the counter.

Have you ever seen that really famous blind man's house? Neither has he.

a bald man walks into a hairdressers and demands beans on toast.

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

What does a black person use to chop a tree down? An Ask.

why did the chicken cross the road? I Lied, it was a cow not a chicken and it was a highway full of speeding cars slamming into the cow body until it would stop moooooooooooooooooving...

What happened when the kid tried to hang himself? He was overweight, so the ceiling fan that the rope was tied to fell out of the ceiling. When he explained this to his drunk mother when she got home, she reinforced the fact that he was overweight (his low self esteem was the root of his depression) and beat him. The next day, he just chugged antifreeze. This isn't a true story. Just calm down.

Did you hear about Big Chief Running Water? Probably not. Indoor plumbing was invented after Europeans murdered his ancestors.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? No-one because that's not feasible.

A man walks into a bar. He is then rushed to the emergency room for severe blunt force trauma to the head and multiple cranial fractures. After years of mental therapy the man re-gains full cerebral capabilities and is extremely cautious to keep an eye out for potentially dangerous bars that present a threat to his fragile reconstructed skull.

Your chicken just went across the road. What does this tell you about the economy?

a duck walks in to a gay bar and asks for a stick they asked where he wanted it before he could answer he was rapped

A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

69 HAHAHAHAHAHAHA goes crazy and shoots himself

Why did the kid get out of school at twelve? He left early with a stomach ache

Dear pesky Christians... (mwahahahahaha!) if thy are of true faith then you have read that instructions book known as the bible you have had over (NINE THOUSAAAAAAND) Six thousand years to read right? If not, I dare you read this part of the bible, simplified for the common retard/human being, are you reading yet? Well GOD (and his seven koopa hotells) COMPELLS YOU so yeah... Stop reading Ave Maria for the 666th time, do you think God will go "Oh well at least you read the only nice part a billion times, you can serve me gy Luigi" and move on Do you remember the passage in the bible where God COMMANDED his men pillage the cities of his enemies, and then rape all the women and children before burning the whole place down to the ground? Now can you imagine it? "Sorry mam, sorry little girls and boys, we would prefer not to you see, but God COMMANDED us to rape torture and burn you all to the ground, nothing personal really, I mean I totally dont want to stick my "GIANT COMPLETELY ELLECT" into your "Vegetas" Seriously father prime was a mean guy, but yes God is dead, he died after releasing the Microsoft bible 2012 edition. (Yes seeker that is not completely true, but God was also the Omega you know... THE END? NO? DARE YOU DENY HIS WORD? Classy) (YES they rapeth young BOYS TOO, because WOMEN AND CHILDREN! Sodomy is bad, while those of you with some creativity can think of other means to rape a male baby because GOD COMPELLS YOU!" Enjoy your 15-21 years left on earth humans, and of course blame me for destroying your world with YOUR NUCLEAR WEAPONS! You say that wont happen right? YOUR KIN TORTURED CRUCIFIED AND CONSUMED JESUS IN HOPES OF GAINING HIS "IMMORTALITY" AND CELEBRATE HIS DEATH BECAUSE... His death by your hands was good... Because he died to prove his immortality... He said "consume wine and bread and thou shall live a full healthy life", (which at that time was better than all previous advices such as: "consume thy random mushrooms at the mountains and hope thy see no speaking burning bushes and dieth a painfulleth death as thy nervous system slowly and painfully expells thy last breath" or the one that came soon after, which seems to prove that humans where losing hope": "EAT SHlT AND DIE!" Buuut, then some "people" discovered that their full life was not long enough, heard about Jesus being immortal and all, and added something like "consume my holy balls, drink my blood, gobble on my entrails, drink my urine and..." ...Well do you truly believe that those that believed Jesus was immortal and as thus concluded that eating a piece of Jesus meant becoming immortal themselves would go all "Meh, you know what? Lets skip immortality, all the tasty bits are gone, so WHY did we choose to kill this guy over a known murderer anyway? Not to eat him... NOOOOOOOOO!" ...And of course YOU call ME THE ANTI-CHRIST!, what a pathetic attempt at humor, now if I had somehow chosen to crucify and consume my own brother because he refused me as I offered him water in the desert because he was dying of thirst and... (IT WAS A HALLUCINATION I WAS KILLED BY GABRIEL SEVERAL THOUSAND YEARS BEFORE REMEMBER?) I Your LORD Satan shall descend upon this world, and face... Jesus? Jesus promised to return while hanging from the cross and supposedly returned as a ghost three days later during his you know... Second coming... What are you waiting for? His third? MERRY FCKING CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL! NOW GO CELEBRATE THE KILLING OF YOUR SO CALLED SAVIOR HO HO HO...Died for your.. sins to prove his immortality my ass, did he not crucify himself? No that was Judas. Nero The Rising Angel (yes your "MORAL" "MAN"): Did I mention all those "romantic" "erotic" stories in the bible, which are desciptions of "beautiful rapes" all described as the loving will of God as man raped woman after woman killing them afterwards while his comrades went all "IN THE NAME OF GOD AND LOVE! YAY!"... No? Well you are the Goddamn Christian, so if you dont fucking believe me, you sure as HELL wont end up in heaven for not even reading Gods words. (you know, where you serve God with no free will nor identity of your own, something you lost a long time before you died anyways so...). Final (unvertified probably not true FACT: The poor savag... Men forced/commanded by God to you know... asked God to perform a resserection on their, peeled bananas so they could finish thy godly deed, then someone mistranslated it into Resurrection as my brother got a giant boner on the cross and asked towards heavens "FATHER WHY!" Where "my daddy" responded lovingly with a giant thunderbolt: "translation: BECAUSE!"

if you like, i will tell my crush maddy i love her, just kidding i wont do shit.

What is the science of classifying living things? Racism...

Why did schlomo fall off the swing He lost balance because Muslims threatened to kill him

A guy walks into the bar and orders a coke with some ice and some peanuts. It cost a total of $4.00 plus tax. He gave the bartender $5.00 and told him to keep the change. He drank the soda pop and burped loudly and left the bar and forgot his peanuts.

If Michael Jackson was alive we would who cares he is dead

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It got shot. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

A black guy walks up to the cash register at a gas station with his hands in his pockets... He pulls out a 5 dollar bill and buys a pack of gum.

a man walks into a bar, and says "can i get a beer please?" the bartender hands him his beer, and as soon as the man starts to take a drink, the man dies of a massive heart attack because of his unhealthy lifestyle

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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