Jake was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it better be there!!" The next morning he got up early and told his wife to come to the driveway. His wife looks down and sees a scale.

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A platypus walks into a bar, and was the only mammal in the building capable of laying an egg.

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? ghuieruioytidhfdvbshdkhfjh

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what did hulk say when he was mad? im mad

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Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear was the one who started the forest fire? A: He got arrested just like you would have

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What happened to Johnny when he fell of his bike? He had a seizure, went into a coma, and forced his parents to take him off life support. Happy birthday Johnny.

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There was a Black and a Mexican in a car, they were on their way to church.

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What do you call a man with no heart? Dead

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YA MAM, is a very nice person

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A married couple is arguing over the temperature in their house. The wife wants it at 62 degrees and the husband wants it at 74. What should they do? Nothing while they are arguing their daughter decides to put it at 32 and freeze them to death

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What's for dinner? Flesh from when your brother was alive and your blood.

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Roses r red violets r blu I hav5 fingers the middle ones for u

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there was a blonde and abrunette and they both jumped off a bridge . who hit the bottom first? the brunette beacuase when the blonde was halfway down she had to walk back up and ask for directions

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What's big and white?

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Why is the sky blue? As the light from our Sun shines into the atmosphere, most of the colors are able to reach the Earth’s surface uninterrupted. However, because blue light has a wavelength that is the same size as the particulates in the air, this light is scattered in every direction. This blue light bounces from particulate to particulate until it eventually reaches your eyes. For this reason, no matter what direction you look in the sky, it appears to be blue. This blue light originated with the Sun, was bounced around in the sky many times, and then eventually reached your eyes.

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why did the ginger get made fun of? because he had red hair

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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A whale's vagina

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What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? Finishing the wheelchair.

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What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant

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America were the American dream is something only foreigners believe in

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a man walks into a bar, and says "can i get a beer please?" the bartender hands him his beer, and as soon as the man starts to take a drink, the man dies of a massive heart attack because of his unhealthy lifestyle

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What did winter say to summer? Nothing. Seasons are physically incapable of speaking because they are not living things. They are simply an idea made by humans to explain why the weather changes as the sun spins around the earth.

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How to you stop the world from ending? You dont the world has been destroyed 5 times over again before and it will most likely happen to us one day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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