What do you call a woman with a black eye and several cuts on her face? The police and perhaps a social help hotline. She now feels safer and more secure and will go on to lead a happy life thanks to you speaking out on her behalf.

Why did Timmy fall off his bike? Someone threw a brick at him!

Did you hear the joke about the deaf kid? He didn't either.

what's the fastest way to have someone murder you tell your wife you are cheating on her

A cow says moo and explodes.

What did Obama get at the bar? A shot... In the head.

Why did the chicken cross the road? We will never know. Chickens are incapable of communicating with humans and thus the intent of the chicken can only be speculated.

How do you cripple a fireman? You push him down the stairs.

Why did Suzie fall of the swing? Because she had no arms. Why did she fall of the second time? I pushed her.

Everytime God shuts a door, he opens a window, at the 122th floor of a skyskraper.

How do you know a French guy has been in your back yard? Your thrash cans are empty and your dog's pregnant

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because seven, eight, nine.

why did Mary fall off the swing? cuz she had no arms ------------------- knock,knock who's there? not Mary

What did Helen Keller say when she got raped? Stop raping me.

Why could'nt the boy eat peanuts? Because if he did he would proceed to have an allergic reaction, his throat would swell up, he would go into analeptic shock and die.

Youre in your car, and you stop at a light you see a home less person holding a sign that says "Home less and hungry, anything helps." You ask if they want a box of cereal, "No thanks." They replied, you ask why not? "Well, I really just want to go to the movies."

What is brown and sticky? A stick

What is red and itchy? Something that itches and it turns red if you itch it to much

There are two types of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't. I happen to be one of those who can.

Q: what did one kangaroo say too the other kangaroo? A: I was told I am schizophrenic.

What is better than AIDS? Cancer.Cancer and more cancer

What is red and has seven dents? Snow White's Cherry.

Roses are red Violets are blue Who is your daddy And what does he do?

Why was the duck in jail? For Smoking...Quack!!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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