what's the fastest way to have someone murder you tell your wife you are cheating on her

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Why did the woman not wear a bra? Because she had breast cancer and got a double mastectomy.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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I farted!!!!! t'was smelly??????? I LIKE CRABS! #tomato problems

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Four blonds are driving to Disneyworld. They finally get to Florida and they see a sign that says "Disneyworld: left" so they turned around and went home

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Why did the black man get arrested? Because he was in possession of powder cocaine, which is a schedule I narcotic in the United States. This incident probably would not have happened if an end was put to the war on drugs, which is notorious for disproportionately targeting blacks and other minority groups, even though whites are statistically more likely to use such substances.

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What did the banana say to the other banana? We're both marshmallows

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Caller: Is your fridge running! Callee: ... umm yes? Caller: I guess you don't need my services. Thanks Callee: ok bye

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 is a registered sex offender.

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How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator? You open the door, put the giraffe in and close the door.

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A man buy's a new lawn mower, it breaks so he takes it back. The shopworker says that if you don't have a recipt then you cannot replace it, the man goes home and months later catch's a flu.

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A kangaroo walks into a bar, it is a fairly common occurrence in Australia and normal process is carried out of evacuating the premises and calling animal control to deal with the situation.

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What did the salad say to the dressing? Nothing! Carrots don't talk!

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knock, knock! No answer, they probably can't hear you, use the doorbell.

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What does a rock become when it falls into the red sea? Wet.

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Your momma's so fat she has fat rolls on her stomach.

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Why did sam and jolanda drop their pudding? They got hit by a flying tree.

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Why did the person have a scrape on their elbow? Because they fell down.

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Q: How do you win the tour defrance if you have one nut? A: Hard work and dedication.

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Shut up and stop laughing, Daddy's balls aren't gonna lick themselves.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a big dick, Now suck it you fucking bitch!

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GONNA

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What did Obama get at the bar? A shot... In the head.

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Stephen Hawking raped your mom

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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