Why did the washing machine laugh? Because it took the piss out of the knickers!!!!! :)

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Q:why did jimmy fall of a swing? A:Because someone threw a fridge at him

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Doctor! Doctor! There's a fly in my soup! Gross.

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A dog was barking at a tree

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what do u call a hairy cow? Harry

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Why doesn't Austin have sex? Because when his wife gets hot he puts dirt on her and hits her with a shovel

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Yes.

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What is the difference between Jesus and jackAwhole lota fat

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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What do u call a joke with no punchline? An anti-joke

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Q:How many Elephants can you fit in a Audi quatro? A:It just sits on a leaf and waits for the autumn... Moral: Just sits on a three and waits for it to turn into four.

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He who laughs last gathers no moss.

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whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whroe whore whore whore whroe

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Why did Mr. Moseley choose to not buy crest toothpaste this month? Because your daughter got an abortion.

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What is the difference between a calendar and you? A calendar has dates!!

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They usually say "fuck" the police! But no one wants to fuck the police...

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I am a mime

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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Jesus walks on water, Humans are 70% water, I can walk on humans, Therefore i am 70% Jesus.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she was deaf and blind, which both make it very unsafe for her to drive.

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A Johnson walks into a hole. Why am I in this hole? Because rape is not an option.

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what movie can a retarded 8 year old play the lead role in. Zathura

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What happened to the child drowning in a pool? He was saved by the well-trained lifeguard.

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Why did the black man cross the road? To escape from his owner.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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