What do you call a fish with no "i's"? A blind fish.

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A Johnson walks into a hole. Why am I in this hole? Because rape is not an option.

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What did the hose say to the sprinkler? I'm gonna squirt you.

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what movie can a retarded 8 year old play the lead role in. Zathura

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One day there was 2 black guys in hoodys with knives in there hand. They tapped me on the shoulder and took my groceries. They then made me a jam sandwich and went on there way

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Jesus walks on water, Humans are 70% water, I can walk on humans, Therefore i am 70% Jesus.

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What happened to the child drowning in a pool? He was saved by the well-trained lifeguard.

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Why couldn't Jimmy eat his food? Because I threw a microwave at him

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(two firefighters are climbing an undersea mountain in Brazil) Why do elephants fear the natural causes of silver icecream cones? Because the cars in the parking garage jump the moon while doing jumping jacks.

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What dithe blackman say to the white man ???? Nothin! They both committed suicide.

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Why did the black man cross the road? To escape from his owner.

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a guy walks into a bar. he buys several drinks, ends up drunk, and crashes into a coffee shop with a goat in the backseat.

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Whats worse than a dumpster full of dead babies? A landfill full of dead babies.

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What's funny about Magic Johnson's T-Cell count? Nothing. He has AIDS, and it's a degenerative disease, that will eventually result in death. There's nothing funny about that.

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Why did the paperboy fall off his bike? I threw a fridge at him because he was a ginger.

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How many kids does it take to get a day off of school? ...26

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what did the guy say when he lost his sandwich? wheres my sandwich?

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A hasidic Rabbi and a member of Hezbollah enter a bar in a Jewish settlement. (No, of course they didn't.)

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How are leprechauns and lions similar? The both start with L.

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Yo mama's so fat she threw a rock at the ground and missed.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, i got a boner, from looking at you

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What did the muslim do at the airport? He bought a ticket to New York and proceeded to fly there to mourn his brother who was killed during the terrorist attacks on 9/11.

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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money, I forgot what happens right but it wasn't that funny anyway

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why did the pyromaniac burn down the house? because he is a pyronaniac, he derives pleasure from burning things.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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