Ask me for £1000 Can I have £1000 No get a job

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than having a retarded baby? Not having a baby

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yo momma's so poor, she needs to work 2 jobs to support her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's white and can't jump? A fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why do people carry around spoons? Because they like to do them

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Screw it you write the joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's black and hangs from trees in my backyard? Nothing. Blackberries grow on bushes and I do not condone hate crimes.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

96

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Roses are read Vliolets are bloo I cant spell How about you

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A bison trots into a bar. The bartender says, "My pee makes bubbles in the toilet." Amazed by the urination fact, the bison explodes.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

When u send someone fudge, u must send a note along with it! Roses are red Violets are blue Fudge is brown Here's some fudge

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: BABABABABA BABABA RARARA LALALA ETC YOU GOT THE DRILL Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY!Ungrateful kids. Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Sociopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.Heck if you look at episode 34 you can see a tall handsome dude choking the life of a little boy in the background, and then letting him go just before he passes out and chokes him again? FUN FOR HOURS!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Im about to rewrite History....... History

thumb_up thumb_down +1

There was a girl that got on the bus . The bus started moving as soon as sat . The bus driver looked up at the window and saw the girl coming closer . Every time she came closer , the more he looked , the girls nose kept on bleeding more and more . When the girl was right next to the bus driver , he started to shudder in fear looking forward , knowing that she is there . When he looks to his right , the girl looked at him , then looked at the window . And started to pick her nose .

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man is sitting on a park bench crying. A blonde walks by and asks him why he's sad. The man proceeds to explain he just lost his children in a custody battle with his ex wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's worse than finding gum on your shoe? Being molested by a sea urchin.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Red my dear, we are no exceptions.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

theres no I in Intelligence a.w. j.p.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How many people are in the world? More than one. -David Papile

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what do u call a black guy who sells drugs a pharmacist

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: How many times did the chicken cross the road? A: One and a half.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Scenario - Two astronauts are kayaking down the Sahara dessert. Question - How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse? Answer - Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's white and can't climb trees? A fridge

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops