If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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What happened when rudolf bucked Santa? Santa ripped his hooves off and started hitting his nose until it stopped glowing

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What's brown and sticky? Dog turd

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Life is like a bucket of wood shavings. Except when they're in a pail. Then it's like a pail of wood shavings.

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A guy walks into a bar and laughs. Later, a green, homosexual dinosaur dentist escorts him out to play a houdini banjo.

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What's racecar spelled backwards? Jesus.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? It probably saw an animal that it wanted to chase, or a person carrying food, or another dog that it wanted to make friends with.

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A man walks into a bar. The force of the impact causes serious head trauma and kills him within a matter of minutes.

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Why did the Chicken cross the road Because he was not happy with his life at a chicken due to the fact take he was going to get eaten by a black man so he hoped that if he crossed the ride and got hit by a car and die he would regenerate into a poisonous frog

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Knock, Knock. Who's there Hey, it's Dave. Oh well come on in.

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There is a blonde, Santa and Jesus. Someone throws a million dollars on the ground who picks it up? Me because I shot them

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You know what makes me sick? Bacteria

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Q.sam is 18 years old, why can't she get her licence? A.because Sam is a lost dog on the street

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What did the tree say to the plant. Nothing tree's cant talk.

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what is red with 2 legs? half a cat

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What do gamer see in his nightmare? a peasant build 4 houses and gets stuck between them.

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I am a mime

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What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Tiger woods is a famous golf player and Santa is a fictional old man dressed in red and white who is said to live in Lapland, have an airborne sleigh driven by eight magical reindeer and come down the chimney to fill childrens' stockings on Christmas eve.

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A duck walks into a bar and is immediately shot to prevent the spread of bird flu.

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Why was six afraid of seven? 7 is greater than 6. Didn't you learn about number lines in 3rd grade?

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Whats worse than finding a worm in an apple? Getting shot in the gut What's worse than that? Getting raped in the hole made by the bullet

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Whta's the difrence betwen a goat and a hors? The goat goed too eet the hors thre day ago!

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Q: A giraffe fell in a hole and died. Which was taller the Lion or Giraffe? A: The Giraffe was before it died

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How can you tell if a woman is stupid? Yell the word "STUPID'' and see if she turns around.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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